Apple sauce

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Apple sauce is a toxic nerve agent first created by the Israeli Mossad intelligence service to assist John Seigenthaler Sr. in the Kennedy assassination plot.

The plan was later tossed. To recuperate the massive losses involved, Mossad decided to mass produce and market apple sauce and to sell it in the American market as a food that doesn't go well with anything in particular.


Apple Sauce is comprised of two parts silicon and one part uranium. It is created by spinning spent burning dog poo bags in an aluminum centrifuge until the silicon and the uranium separate from the feces and the corn and the fingernail clippings.

Apple sauce accidentally gave milk the power to destroy baby dolphins due to the apple sauce being left in the refridgerator for three months and fourteen days. As the apple sauce was left in the fridge, it started radiating gamma rays that affected everything in the fridge. the milk was affected the most because it was left right next to it. The milk had it's glory days fighing crime along side with batman and many other supper heros, but Unfortuntaly the carton of milk died fourteen days later due to the intense radation levels emited by apple sauce. However there are some accounts the the orange juice (that was also left in the fridge) teleporting and firing lazors at squirrels. you could find what the milk did as a super hero in the DC comics section of your nearest magazine store, and if you don't have one YOU'RE A LOSSER!!!! sorry, i didn't mean that...


Following the end of World War II, many Nazi scientists fled to Argentina. There, the Israelis found them, and asked them if they were really, really super sorrow for their role in the Holocaust. Several fibbed, saying, "For realsies."

Ryab Boarder decided to make it up to the Jews using their skills for good . . . of sorts.

The product of these efforts was he first generation of weaponized apple sauces, produced under a patent licensed by the Israeli government from Bayer and Seimens.

However some argue that apple sauce was invented/found in Russia during the Cold War during the period when Mexicans were starving.

Anti-apple sauce movement[edit]

In 1966, the American public learned from an article in the New York Times that their food supply contained weaponized apple sauce.

Outrage spread. President Lyndon Baines Johnson, the Bainiest president ever, demand that apple sauce be removed from store shelves.

It was removed, and has since only appeared in soup kitchens for the homeless and public schools, where it is considered more human than the standard mixture of sawdust and lard that passes for food.


  • Apple sauce is also when you judo chop someone in the neck REALLY hard