Yo Gabba Gabba!
Yo Gabba Gabba! is a children's television show currently airing on the Nick Jr. cable network in the United States and the Nick Jr. networks in the United Kingdom & Ireland, Italy and Australia as well as Treehouse TV network in Canada.
In the Beginning[edit]
Yo Gabba Gabba was first created in 2008 by ""DJ Lance Rock"" and his friend "Plex" Johnson. Previously, Lance Rock was the DJ for notorious rap group N.W.A.. He was fired by the group in 1987 after continuously showing up to gigs in his silly orange costume and telling the crowd that they should always wash their hands and eat their fruits and vegetables.
Soon after being fired, Rock met Plex Johnson, who had escaped a mental institution after being committed for believing that he was a yellow robot. Johnson often told Lance Rock of his "magical" friends, who he often saw during his crack-cocaine binges. These friends were named Muno, Brobee, Toodee and Foofa, and they loved to dance and sing.
Show Creation[edit]
DJ Lance Rock decided to start a childrens show, using money that Plex Johnson had stolen while robbing a bank for drug money. Johnson died weeks later after being shot by police while attempting to rob another bank. After this, Rock decided to recreate all of Johnson's characters as a tribute to his deceased drug-addict friend. He even created a yellow robot character, named "Plex".
The Holy Wars[edit]
Shortly after Yo Gabba Gabba's airing in 2008, shows such as Hi-5 and Four Square (the copy of Hi-5 which has been know to cause epilepsy), who were long-time rivals, decided to team up and revolt against Yo Gabba Gabba. Thus, a war started, lasting 15 years or less, since nobody paid attention/nobody gave a flying crap. During the war, which was also known as the "lamest thing since World of Warcraft", 3 members of Four Square were decapitated, and every member of Hi-5 died when Yo Gabba Gabba shot fiery, rainbow turds (also see: neopets) at them. Fortunately, they get replaced every few weeks, so the 17 or so mentally retarded children that actually watch Hi-5 (and sing along to "North, South, East & West") didn't notice/didn't give a flying crap/gave a flying crap/had a bowel movement while watching.
Main Characters[edit]
- DJ Lance Rock - The show's token black man that likes to fondle Muno's balls.
- Muno - An annoyingly friendly red cyclops dildo. He's the tallest and has ugly boils all over his body. He has a high pitched voice and gets excited over the smallest things, like when it's time to sing a song, or when DJ Lance wants to ram him up the ass with his large boner. In one episode, he loses one of his baby teeth and cries and acts like a bitch. And speaking of teeth, he likes to bite his friends. So you better be careful if you tell him "Bite me, bitch!"
- Foofa - A cute female flower bubble character who's pink and happy. She loves rainbows, flowers and unicorns. She is always smiling. She deserves a severe beating with a tire iron.
- Brobee - A male little green monster. He is always confused and complaining and is unable to understand almost anything. In one episode, DJ Lance asks everyone what their talents are, and Brobee realizes that he doesn't have any talents. In another, the gang plays "DJ Lance Says". Brobee doesn't understand the concept and acts like a little bitch, because he's mentally handicapped. So much in fact, that he thinks that when food goes into his stomach, it has a god damn party!
- Toodee - A blue female arctic cat-dragon who likes to be a little bitch. She is always causing shit. In one episode, everyone is going down a slide, and she keeps cutting in front of everyone. In another she throws litter everywhere. The black one needs to tell that bitch to grow the fuck up.
- Plex - A yellow robot. He likes to "beam up" DJ Lance and teach things to other characters. He is supposed to be a magical robot, but in reality he is just some guy wearing a cheap yellow cardboard box as an outfit with shitty tinfoil as arms.
The Decline[edit]
Since its premiere, Yo Gabba Gabba has faced numerous complaints from parents. One mom from Whogivesashit, AZ., complained that her 6 year-old daughter watched an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba and went into an epileptic shock, causing her to fall into an 100 year coma. Another mom, from Idontgiveashit, TX., claims that "the black guy who's hat looks like Archie Andrews' pubes" had "T.V.-raped" her 13 year-old daughter. When her daughter was questioned as to why she was watching a show intended for the 8 and below age group, she simply stated that "Nickelodeon hypnotized" her into watching it, and that she was "extremely horny because the token black dude has mega-hot glasses". Nickelodeon has since removed the episodes that caused the two events ("Crazy You Grabba Grabba Sexy Dance Party" and "Yo Gabba Gabba with Yo Hot Mamma"). Yo Gabba Gabba has also caused several events once thought physically impossible such as floating balls, men who watch Glee being straight, and Rush Limbaugh telling the truth.
Targeting to a New Demographic?[edit]
Yo Gabba Gabba is clearly losing popularity with children, since most American children are obese/epileptic. However, the new demographic for the show is the "Alcoholic and Masturbation" group, which mostly watches Hentai, SpongeBob SquarePants and video clips that feature free, 50-second porn (which is basically all the time you need). Since the show's "launch" (no pun intended), this viewer group has sent ratings from zero to + 92991855991900. Michael Jackson, one of the show's biggest fans, claimed that he "just love[d] to watch it...I love little children." This could be, perhaps, because in every episode, a child is either a) doing the robot (not the robot character, but the robot dance....you sick perverts), b) riding on a huge furry animal or c) doing both.
Season Finale[edit]
No, it hasn't happened yet, and knowing Nickelodeon, it won't happen for a very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY long time. Perhaps longer than it took for Rosie O'Donnell to come out of the closet. But for now, all we can do is pray that God Himself will send fiery, rainbow turds at Yo Gabba Gabba and Matt Groening, and they all die a fiery, painful death.
