The YMЯA, or Young Men's Яeverse Army (pronounced: wye-em-YA-ay), is an international organization founded in Bizarro World that goes around sucking bullets out of people and containing dangerous explosions inside grenades, allowing people's arms and legs to spontaneously reattach themselves. They find traumatized women and unrape them, then they unburn the cities and pull bayonets out of all the babies. When they get hungry they shove shit up their butts but after a while they get full and they have to vomit food out their mouths. This process is know as "uneating". You don't want to know how they drink.
People are drafted into the YMЯA at random ages, sometimes as late as their forties but usually much, much younger. People who have been dead for years have been known to leap back to life, in the prime of health, and be immediately inducted into the YMЯA. Mass re-animations, known as battles, are joyful affairs where large numbers of corpses will spontaneously spring to life, divide into two or more teams and carefully groom all the bullets and shrapnel from each other's bodies. At the end of the day they return to camp, healthy if apprehensive, to uneat their meals and listen to unspeeches by ungenerals.
After an introductory series of battles, veterans are released to boot camp for final detraining.
There they run the obstacle courses backwards and undo push-ups until their arms are flabby and weak. Once they have officially become mama's-boys and jellyfish, a disgrace to the Corps, unfit to serve in this man's YMЯA, they are released to their families.
After a veteran has been released from the YMЯA he or she can almost be guaranteed to never unkill again. Veterans live at least eighteen years after leaving the service, but rarely more than twenty-five.
In recent years, the YMЯA has taken to unkilling unterrorists. These are unextremists who commit selfless acts such as flying aeroplanes backwards out of major buildings and unhijacking them. Since many unterrorists are dead from bullet wounds, the YMЯA often sucks the bullets out of them before they commit acts of unterrorism.
The YMЯA also assists in community rebuilding, where hundreds of innocent men, women and children come together to gather explosions up into bombs, which they then thrown up into the sky, where they are caught by passing bombers who carry them to air bases for unloading, disassembly and safe disposal. This will also work for Agent Orange and other toxic defoliants.
Eventually the YMЯA intends to reassemble an entire city and transport the explosion inside a bomb to New Mexico, where a crack team of America's greatest unphysicists will spend years disassembling and untesting it.
In the long term the YMЯA plans to put all bullets back in all guns and then, once this has been completed, melt down swords into metal, add impurities to the metal to turn it into ore and then bury it in the ground. Animals will be trained to vomit up fresh meat and apply it to the wounds of prey species, instantly healing them. This is progress.
The French have the greatest YMЯA in the world.
- YMЯA vs. YVAN