Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Cajek/Mordor Jalapenos
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Mordor Jalapenos[edit]
I need a second going-over on this. • <Apr 22, 2008 [2:59]>
- Sycamore is trying watersports on this article, don't look though or else he can't go--Sycamore (Talk) 15:52, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
- Sycamore has finished his slash--Sycamore (Talk) 20:48, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Although you’ve had this reviewed I thought this quite an interesting piece- I think it could be improved in many ways, humour wise (being a Brit) I love humour that refers to the source (self referential), I think that you could expand on this with more about the cast, Mkellen is quite a funny charter and there could be more about this and the cast being brought in. I think the humour for the most part is very strong and I did laugh, it the formatting which lets you down currently (easily fixed), I also think there are the right amount of images but not adding to the humour. | ||||||
| Concept: | 9 | The concept is very good and quite different to what’s out there- again I think it's the right length for the formatting you're using just there could be more coherency within the concept, similarly the random elements you bring in such as Sauron's Guitar, lots of swearing and too much LOTR (the film is pretty old hat, it could be invigorated by the low key careers that the respective cast have subsequently followed). | ||||||
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | I can see clear and easy ways to drastically improve this, firstly reference better, remember the more "real" it looks the more people will be brought in (consider This). Referencing can make thing look good, and lest flung together
Consider:
You could also consider less random swearing, it does not add especially to the humour, as well as tidying up the general prose. You also do the odd random experiment with archaic writing style whcih does not work really; Tolkiens work is written well (old school) but not in the inaccesible style you've played with. All I can say is that consistency should be the guide here, if you like that writing style go with it, but it mixes badly with "newspeak" if you know what I'm getting at. | ||||||
| Images: | 6 | Again I would consider getting more on set photos of the cast, or very disheveled looking ones of the production team (whoever you feel like involved with the film), the images are too random, having a consistent size between them is something to head for, and also more humour factor- placed in the right areas (250px is nice size). | ||||||
| Miscellaneous: | 9 | I think this articles got a lot going for it, I think that with a bit of formatting attention as well as image revising you should do well with this one (I don't know if you're heading for feature with this one). | ||||||
| Final Score: | 35 | I hope that my review has proved helpful, if there's any points you want to take up, just come round to the Freezing Scottish Shack:) | ||||||
| Reviewer: | --Sycamore (Talk) 20:43, 23 April 2008 (UTC) | |||||||
by Cap'n Ben[edit]
That is the main question here. I mean, I was laughing at how stupid this was while writing it, but that could just be my opinion. Mostly, it needs ideas for expansion. In depth review, as always, is expected. Cool. • <Apr 22, 2008 [1:28]>
- Haha! I loved your ideas, Ben! It's in mainspace and I added some stuff... what do you think now? • <Apr 22, 2008 [2:06]>
| Humour: | 9 | I laughed all the way through. What more can I say? =Added a section= |
| Concept: | 8 | Very nice. I always though that one of the odd things about LOTR was the way even the food was worse in evil countries. Why don't evil people like a nice meal? I bet Stalin engoyed a nice piece of chicken Kiev when not massacring millions. |
| Prose and formatting: | 10 | Absolutely splendid. A nice mixture of wordy Tolkien prose, anal Tolkien fandom, and pretentious food criticism. Wasn't sure about the swearing in the LOTR "quotes", but on second thought the contrast between this and the Tolkien speech helped sell the joke. |
| Images: | 7 | Images a little obvious, but I do like the captions. =Added an image= |
| Miscellaneous: | 9 | It's very miscellaneous, but not completely so. |
| Final Score: | 43 | I know you were looking for ways to expand it, but I think it's pretty good at its current length. Lengthening it without ruining the flow of the running gags could be tricky. Perhaps lengthen the intro with a history of the chilies- how the seeds were from the pure strain of Numenor Habeneros, cursed and blighted by the power of Witch-King. Or you could add a conclusion about how the came to be left out of the movie, even the 407 hour ultraplatinum DVD version, and so a fan movie was made consisting entirely of Tom Bombadil eating salsa? =shamelessly stole your ideas= |
| Reviewer: | --Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 01:50, 22 April 2008 (UTC) | |