Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Stock market crashes; Things looking up
UnNews:Stock market crashes; Things looking up[edit]
My first attempt at an article that doesnt suck. I want to see what people who know what they are talking about think. Thus to avoid another War of Gibson. Please, if it sucks, destroy my whole oriffice of hopes and dreams.
Lord Serioch 00:36, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
|
A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article is being reviewed by: UU - natter  (While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead). (Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole). |
OK, I'll take a look. Orifices are a speciality... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:30, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | A solid 4 from me. Now, that means 'below average', but as far as I'm concerned, it still = doesn't suck, there's potential. Good start, huh? OK, let's go further: The idea is more interesting than the execution, I think you need to make a few changes. See comments below. |
| Concept: | 6 | I like the idea of putting a positive spin on really bad shit, and news stories that try to emphasise the positive when there isn't any. So the idea's there, but you need to go much further with it. Again, see comments. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Well, it's an UnNews, so not much to go wrong, formatting-wise. However, possibly a bad move to include the poll - a few clicks from bored visitors and suddenly it can change, and your article looks wrong. Much better to present the results, possibly as a couple of bullet points (avoid getting too listy though!) Writing's OK, although be consistent with how you represent speech, and there are a couple of clumsy sentences. |
| Images: | 3 | One is plenty for a short article, and the idea is OK, but it's obviously an MS Paint job. Pop a request on here, and one of the decent 'choppers may help by knocking out a more professional version for you. You may also want to try and get a smarter looking guy with a placard, to emphasise how much the slump is biting. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.8 | Averaged because. |
| Final Score: | 23.8 | OK, I like the idea, and there's room for improvement. That's good. Work at it a bit more, think about my suggestions below, have another read of HTBFANJS and you should be OK. hope I helped! |
| Reviewer: | --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:57, 5 February 2008 (UTC) | |
Comments:
Right, you need to go places with this one. Why are things looking up, for starters? In this case, I suggest, observers would argue they're looking up because there's nowhere else to go right now. So that's an angle to consider. Black humour also works well - so one stock broker killed himself huh? Well, if a few more follow suit, that'll create job vacancies to help people back on to their feet!
Go further with the Edwards quote - where was he speaking from? What was he doing at the time? There are plenty of ways you can suggest here that he's pissing money away even as he gives this quote. Don't push too far, but play it up a bit more.
Basically, find as many (il)logical reasons as you can for things looking up - those I mention above are hopefully a start for you - and use them. You really need to run with this, and try to convince the reader of what you're saying in as absurd a manner as possible. HTBFANJS may help - it normally helps most of us! Essentially, you need to come across as the kind of person who, in the middle of the biblical flood, would have said "great - a chance to really improve my swimming!
Of course, this is only my opinion, others are available, and good luck! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:57, 5 February 2008 (UTC)