Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 13

October 13: International Paranoia Day

• 54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BCE) is assassinated by the CIA. Historians say this is impossible because the organization wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the CIA would like to have you believe.
• 1792 - The cornerstone is laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
• 1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
• 1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
• 1939 - Nothing happened in Germany! We were all on vacation! ALLE NATIONEN WERDEN SICH VOR DEUTSCHLAND VERBEUGEN!!!
• 1947 - Nothing happens at Roswell (wink wink).
• 1949 - First meeting of the Trilateral Commission... or is it?
• 1955 - The. US government does not begin top secret operations at Area 51 (wink wink).
• 1968 - NASA works feverishly to build the sets for the 1969 "moon landings".
• 1974 - TV personality Ed Sullivan passes away due to "natural causes". And just like that, the Jews are one step closer to global domination.
• 2000 - Preparations for the 9-11 attacks are begun by agents of the United Nations, the Jews, the CIA, and the Vatican.
• 2012 - Nothing apocalyptic will happen... or will it?
• 2016 - That instead of new small-network programming, everyone is watching the Star Wars Holiday Special over and over due to drugs in our water supply?