Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/November 12

November 12: Lightning Awareness Day (worldwide), Scheissenfest (Austria), Japanese Remembrance Day (Japan)

• 1513 - In one of his lesser known works, Mein Scheisskampf, Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his scheisse as a weapon. No shit.
• 1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
• 1775 - American Revolutionary War: the Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
• 1934 - Over a largish tankard of Guinness, the Irish House of Commons makes buggery illegal.
• 1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
• 1881 - The third elemental form of lightning is created. Worshipers rejoice, detractors masturbate silently.
• 1889 - Washington is admitted as a state of the Union; is propped up at a podium to give a speech despite the obvious decay.
• 1918 - Germany signs a pact to be prissy for the next twenty-one years until an Austrian prick screws it all up.
• 1930 - Albert Einstein and some dude you don't know receive a patent for the Einstein refrigerator. No bullshit.
• 1955 - Marty McFly completes the first successful time travel experiment after lightning strikes the Hill Valley clock tower.
• 1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer.
• 1998 - Marty McFly travels in time to record a porn video with Paris Hilton. It becomes known as Knock the Back Outta Ya 2.
• 2007 - Doritos chili cheese lime are invented, thus changing the future of crunchy snacks as we know it.