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Bear category theorem
By 2601:187:8400:201c:28e8:cf08:3252:fc1e
The Bear Category Theorem (BCT) is an important result in Ursine Zoology. The theorem has two forms, each of which gives sufficient conditions for an animal to not be a bear.
Versions of the Bear category theorem were first proved in 1898 by Sultan Osgood and his Bear. Before then, zoologists had no good way to tell bears from non-bears.
Trump demands good reputation "back"
By Spike
FLORIDA -- Former U.S. President Donald Trump has told Fox News he is demanding his good reputation back.
The remarks followed bombshell testimony in the trial of Michael Sussmann. Sussmann is the lawyer who told the FBI in 2020 that Trump was in cahoots with Russia's Alfa Bank. He insisted to the FBI he was acting alone — though also refusing to turn over his records because of attorney-client privilege.
Queen Elizabeth vanishes
By Romartus
LONDON -- Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and other places vanished before she could deliver a speech in the British Houses of Parliament. One moment she was there wearing her crown, then suddenly she vanished like a ghost before millions of viewers. Her son and heir Prince Charles staggered up to the stage to take over whilst a hunt was conducted for the missing monarch.
Russian Update
By OnePunch
Following in the footsteps of Macca's, Starbucks and other fast food chains, Uncyclopedia has decided to also pull out of Russia. Unlike the aforementioned, Uncyclopedia does not have any physical stores or properties as it is over the internet. So, Admin Dark Web, White Hat has been tasked with blocking all Russian IP addresses and Users. In the ban reason, instead of the usual "vandal", "didn't read HTBFANJS" or "just being a dick", they will be banned for just being Russian. According to international labour laws, this may be illegal, but since Uncyclopedia doesn't pay its "employees", everything should be fine and dandy.
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