UnScripts:Wikihow.com: Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Accept Censorship and Vandalism
This script art a part of
The UnScripts Project
Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.
Paul K. (Bigshot Admin #1) played by Paul Konerko- one of the bigshot admins, his biggest hobby is censoring acceptable articles.
Stevie W. (Bigshot Admin #2) played by Stevie Wonder- the other bigshot admin, his favorite hobby is blocking newbies.
Oprahw555 played by Oprah Winfrey- a newbie to the site, who posts legitimate things that are censored by Paul and Stevie.
Britney Spears played by William Shakespeare- a figment of Stevie W's imagination. Britney Spears is a mutant goldfish with 7 arms and 14 eyes.
William Shakespeare played by Britney Spears- The Master of All Things Written. Oprahw555 summons him from the dead to end censorship on Wikihow.
Paul is on Wikihow, deleting various articles. Paul: Let's see here... Play Hockey. I hate hockey, delete. OK, let's see... ooh here's one: Be a Proud Canadian. I don't live in Canadia! Delete.
Stevie sends Paul an email that says to call him. Paul does so.
Paul: Hey, Stevie.
Stevie: Don't call me that anymore! My new name is Hip Hop Harry!
Paul: Whatever you say...
Paul hangs up, confused about Stevie's statement.
Paul: Hmm, what did he mean by that? Oh, I think I know! I should delete all articles with the word "hat" in them.
Paul's mom: I can't believe my little boy is turning 10!
Paul: Mom, be quiet! I'm talking to my computer friends.
Paul's mom: Well, you're halfway there. How about you try to get some real friends, though?
Paul receives an email from Stevie, telling him to come to Stevie's house in Westchester, New York.
Paul: Is he kidding me? I live in San Bernadino, California! But, I'll do anything for a real-life friend!
Paul walks out of his house, boards a train to Los Angeles Airport, then flies into JFK Airport, somehow rents a car, and drives to Stevie's house
Paul: Hey, Stevie!
Paul is shocked to realize that Stevie is not in the house. He looks all over and then Stevie steps in. Stevie is about 20 years of age.
Stevie: Get out of my house!
Paul: It's me, Paul.
Stevie: Paul? Is it really you?
Stevie and Paul: Let's go on a newbie banning marathon!!!!
Paul and Stevie are able to successfully block 35 newbies in a row, citing them for random offenses, but then they come to the account of Internet censorship lawyer Opralengo H. Winston(Oprahw555). They ponder whether or not to block Opralengo. They decide to block him for "chatting"
Opralengo: Why did I get blocked?... When was I chatting????
In Westchester, Stevie and Paul are elated
Paul: I can't believe we blocked him! I hope he doesn't file a lawsuit against us. Good night, I'm going to bed.
Stevie: OK. At this moment, Stevie opens the fridge and sees mutant goldfish Britney Spears.
Stevie: I really need to see a doctor about that.
Britney Spears: AAGAHGAAHAAHHAHAHAGAGAGA!
Opralengo is in a courthouse.
Opralengo: I would like to file a lawsuit against Wikihow.com for unfair censorship practices!!!!
Meanwhile, in Westchester, Stevie and Paul are packing their bags for Beverly Hills... Michigan, where the trial is being held
Stevie: We are in such big trouble!
Paul: We'll get out of this.
In the courthouse.
Paul: Hey Judge, do you want 10 dollars?
Judge: The defendants are ruled innocent.
Opralengo: Oh, you asked for it. SHAKESPEARE!!!!
Shakespeare: It's time to kick some butt!
A fight starts. Miraculously, it ends exactly 7 seconds later. Judge: The defendants are still innocent.
Stevie and Paul: WOOHOO!!!!!
Stevie is driving Paul back to San Bernadino.
Stevie: OK, here's your house, right?
Paul: Thanks, Stevie.
Paul's mom: You almost missed dinner, Paul!
Paul went on to ban a record 5,709 new users and delete a record 74,203 new articles.
Stevie went on to ban a 2nd place 5,708 new users and delete a 2nd place 74,202 new articles. He then decided to move to Canada and changed his name to Steve Yzerman.
Opralengo worked hard and became one of the most successful trial lawyers in the world, but after 3 years at the top, he died of an intentional overdose of oxycontin and weed. He has been immortalized in John Grisham's book, The Drug Lawyer.
Britney Spears was never seen again. But in her memory, the word "AAGAHGAAHAAHHAHAHAGAGAGA!" was added to the dictionary.
Shakespeare was summonended to 3000, when he made John Easiaen win the Canadiamerimexican Presidential King of Prime Ministers and Emporers.
Paul's mom started WikiNo, an organization/wiki to stop evil wiki's like Wikihow. Her wiki was banned by Paul.
The Judge died exactly .0000000000001 second after the trial ended, from "natural causes".