UnNews:Trump still in office
| We have met the enemy, and he is us | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:39:59 (UTC) |
| Trump still in office | 
|
28 November 2020
Washington, D.C. -- President-reject Donald Trump has found a genius way to stay in office despite his decisive loss to Joe Biden. UnNews has confirmed that Donald Trump looks like staying in office for quite a long time.
UnNews: "President-reject Trump, you have stated the conditions that Joe Biden must fulfil in order to move into the White House. Could you explain these conditions to our readers?"
DT: "On the condition that you stop referring to me as President-reject."
UnNews: "Shall we just refer to you as President-disconnect."
DT: "Okay, but I may change my mind at any moment."
UnNews:"That's all right, we're used to it."
DT: "I have demanded that Joe Biden prove that every one of those 80 million votes that he is supposed to have gained is not in any way fraudulent. Perfectly reasonable as I am not going to allow the American people to have their democracy crushed by someone who claims to have gotten more votes than I did."
UnNews: "Haven't those votes already been certified by the relevant electoral bodies involved?"
DT: "Meaningless. How can you trust an electoral system that didn't elect me?"
UnNews: "How do you think this is going to allow you to stay in the White House?"
DT: "Simple mathematics, butthead. It takes quite some time to gather irrefutable proof that a ballot has not been tampered with, substituted, swapped, or processed by some machine that was designed to prevent my re-election. Let's say it takes two hours for each ballot. That's 6666667 days for 80 million, or 18,265 years give or take a year or two. The gives me until 20285 before I have to worry about packing up the family and moving back to Trump Tower. I don't think Sleepy Joe is going to last that long anyway."
UnNews: "In the spirit of fairness, are you going to have the votes for you checked?"
DT: "Completely unnecessary. No one who voted for me would do anything wrong. Plus I can pardon them."
UnNews: "And who is going to pay for all this?"
DT: "The American people, of course. Teach them a lesson. 80 million votes for Joe Biden. What a joke. We'll see how much he likes his 80 million votes when he's counting them."
UnNews: "This is a radical change to the American electoral system."
DT: "Sometimes radical changes are necessary. My supporters will as usual trumpet my genius. That's what matters. Besides, it gives me plenty of time to rewrite the Constitution."
Sources[edit]
- Ally Foster "Donald Trump’s final demand of Joe Biden before conceding defeat". news.com.au, November 28, 2020