UnNews:Taliban 214, NATO 244 in ongoing Battlefield:Afganistan promotional match

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 02:01:59 (UTC)
Taliban 214, NATO 244 in ongoing Battlefield:Afganistan promotional match UnNews Logo Potato.png

18 June 2008

Kabul, Afganistan, Electronic Arts, or EA, has annouced a promotional match for its upcoming new Battlefield:Bad Company Xbox release. The EA spokemen told our reporter this- "We figured, hey, why not get the rights to Battlefield: Afganistan [a bestselling battlefield with 154,000 current players] and have a real life, promotional battle." The two sides, NATO and the Taliban insurgency, agreed to the promotional battle on two terms

1) Every rule in the Battlefield series must be observed[edit]

2) No spawncamping on uncapturable bases, namely the American forward base[edit]

Currently the match is in full swing. Both teams started at 250 "tickets" or lives, and are deducted 1 ticket for each life lost. The match will end when one team has no more tickets left. The map being played is in Kanahar region of Afganistan, with NATO troops in a uncapturable base and Taliban Troops trying to defend their flags. Afgan troops under NATO command attacked several flags in villages belonging to Taliban forces. In Tabin village, the NATO troops ran foreward supported by a ferocious artillery barrage, throwing granades wildly, with reports that more than 20 Taliban were killed. NATO troops quickly captured the village's flag, earning two points for nuetralization and two points for capture. Soon the NATO bravo squad attacked Khohak village, using massive amounts of grenades and using the support class to refill. Soon, Taliban forces were complaining: "OMA [Oh my Allah] the Americains use only grenades, artillery, and air support to kill us. They were also spawncamping in Tabin." However, EA comfirmed that NATO was still playing by legit battlefield rules. Meanwhile, the Americans were upset about some of the Talibans tactics. "They lay and ton of mines and destroy all the bridges with C-4 and we really dont have enough of the Engineers to rebuild bridges and take away mines."


The assualt is going well for the NATO forces, with only six deaths. Four NATO troops were killed when a Taliban soldier dashed up to an ACP and layed C-4 and blew it up. Two other deaths came when one soldier lagged behind his comrades and was shot. A Talibain sniper claimed the last one with an SVD headshot. According to a NATO soldier on the front "The map is really wieghted towards the Taliban. However we are winning because of superior tactics and most of the Taliban dont have weapon unlocks yet because they didnt get the free demo for preordering."

Meanwhile, EA is reaping the benifits back at home, and watching the promotional match with great interest. The match showcases the new entirely destroyable enviorment in the Bad Company game, along with new Helicopter classes. The battle has been written about in many U.S. newspapers who are cheering for the NATO side. Al-Jazeera offered a brief segment on the battle, showing the Taliban being spawncamped and constantly being bombed by NATO aircraft, gathering sympathy for them in the Islamic world. It looks like EA's marketing scheme has become a wild success.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Taliban_214,_NATO_244_in_ongoing_Battlefield:Afganistan_promotional_match&oldid=6097974"