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UnNews:Sweet smoking Messiah returns
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This column is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-eyeblink misinformation. And by "misinformation", we mean "the truth." THE MANAGEMENT |
4 June 2010
SMACK WATER, Kentucky -- With smoke and fire, thunder and lightning, Jesus descended today in this small, back-woods hamlet today with a revelation for mankind. "Spark 'em up, dudes and dudettes," exclaimed a red-eyed, Sweet smoking Jesus from atop His chariot of clouds.
A crowd of confused Briars, hicks and other rednecks gathered around the Lord to praise Him, and to thank Him for personally landing in this sleepy hollow of 203 souls. Jesus then produced a recyclable plastic 2 liter bottle of spring water with a flourish, tapped it three times with a finger and said "ta-da!"
Before all witnesses, the water was magically transformed into 7 ounces 2 grams of red Sativa. And all present were grateful to God for sending down His only Son to get us all nice and baked.
"Behold," said Jesus, "I have brought you ample red Cannibis Sativa. I'm here to tell you that God's fine with you getting high. He'd prefer you have a choice between Sativa and Indica. Those who are without sin, let them grow Sativa, for an up-high is no less than a stoned-stupid high, in the eyes of God."
Sources[edit]
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |