UnNews:Russian man blows self up after train inspectors notice porn magazines

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We distort, you deride ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 13:12:59 (UTC)
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28 November 2007

Russian President Vladimir Putin had no comment on the situation, and responded to the questions by making faces at the reporters.

YEKATERINBURG, Russia: A man who was suspected of having an extensive amount of porn magazines in his possession committed suicide on a train by blowing himself up with a grenade. The situation began when a train inspector notices a recent issue of Playboy sticking out of the Russian man's bag. Because Playboy was outlawed in Russia by Vladimir Putin for being "too American" and "Fuck the American scum", the train inspector confronted the man and asked him to step outside the train. The man then reached into his pocket and pulled out a hand grenade. The train was quickly evacuated of all passengers and personnel (except for a family of Americans, due to Putin's dislike of cute little American children), and police confronted the man. However, the man pulled the pin out of the grenade, and after shouting "WHAT THE FUCK, THE HANDLE JUST CAME OFF!", he attempted to replace the pin. The grenade exploded, blowing out the windows of the train and hilariously killing the man. When asked to comment on the situation, the train conducter responded, "In Soviet Russia, Playboy masturbates to YOU!!!"

When Darth Dick Cheney learned of the event, he immediately went to hide his magazines under his bed, followed by announcing to the media, "I honestly have no idea what that Russian man could have been doing with a stash of Playboys that big."

Sources[edit]

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