UnNews:Quarter million Twitter passwords hacked

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4 February 2013

Copyright Allen Ludden

San Francisco, California -- It was reported today that up to 250,000 twitter accounts were compromised today, causing widespread panic among the worlds twiterati, a term referring to people that use twitter, the online micro blogging platform.

"OMG, wtf m I 2 du?" Tweeted one user.

But later it was found that of the estimated 500,000,000 twitterati worldwide, simply five out of every 10,000 users have a password that is simply "Password" representing .05% of the world's twiteratti. Upon further investigation by UnNews, the passwords were not hacked at all, but simply guessed, by the online cyber cracking masterminds located in a small land locked country of one of the top three continents.

Twitter responded by asking the users to change their passwords from "Password" to something else easy to remember, such as their astrological sign, or perhaps their childrens birthdays. Other ideas included pets names, random letter sequences such as "qwerty" and "asdfg". Really stupid people often are unaware of their stupidity and think they alone thought up the ingenious plan of having their password be so ironic as "password".

Cyber security firm Cyrillihack AG issued the following statement. "If your password has been hacked, send us your new one so we can make sure it does not fall into the wrong hands." McDonald's, in a related story, changed the name of the Quarter Pounder to password today. Betty White, on behalf of her late husband, Allen Ludden, is in the process of suing the affected users for trademark violation of his copyrighted word "password". The Estate of Gene Rayburn has issued a broad CCA license for anyone to use "MatchGame76" as a password.