UnNews:Mount St. Helens Eruption Suspected Terrorism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 07:27:59 (UTC)
Mount St. Helens Eruption Suspected Terrorism UnNews Logo Potato.png

25 June 2008
SKAMANIA COUNTY, Washington-- On May 18, 1980, what was suspected to be a dormant volcano (for you noobs that means a volcano in a hangover), erupted. Mount St. Helens, a volcano found in southern Washington, was a dormant volcano that drew poeple from all over to stare dumb-foundedly at its awe-inspiring beauty. But on May 18, 1980, the volcano erupted in a massive explosion, coating the surronding areas with dust and ash like cat hair on your carpet. The explosion frightened many people within the region. Little did they know that it might have been a terrorist attack gone wrong.

Terrorism? Certain sources lead us to believe so.

"Certain evidence leads us to believe that the eruption of Mount St. Helens could have been alleged terrorism. We are not certain yet but the odds are tilted that way." says archaeologist John "The Duck" Schumaker. "the shape of the crater leads us to beleive that C4 exposlosives did the damage, but more evidence in neccassary for us to be certain."

This evidence was discovered by an airial view with an explosives specialist. He said the crater looked as though an explosion had made it and he said he was almost certain that's what it is. Also, hikers went down into the crater and found an un exploded hand-held grenade. Was this an explosive used to blow up the picturesque volcano?

In further evidence, on May 9, 1980, several arab men were allowed to go up onto to the volcano to go "spelunking" down the vocano shaft. These men had bulking bags of equipment- nearly two times the size of normal gear bags for a spelunker. Perhaps the bags had explosives concealed inside? No one checked and these "innocent spelunkers" went down into the volcano. Maybe they set up the explosives? Or maybe not. Maybe it all was nature. Still, almost all of the Arcaeologists on the "crime" scene still beliveve the event was from terrorism.

" We have reason to believe that those arab men were terrorists and that they planted bombs inside of the volcano. All evidence points towards that hypothesis." says Schumaker.

The investigation is still taking place on Mount St. Helens and any new information will be realeased as soon as we get it. God Bless America.

Sources[edit]


Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Mount_St._Helens_Eruption_Suspected_Terrorism&oldid=3144710"