UnNews:Lebanese parties pulling their socks for upcoming elections

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11 February 2009

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Lebanese man in a 4-wheel-drive rallying support for his campaign

BEIRUT, Lebanon — Less than 4 months to the Lebanese parliament elections, Lebanese parties have started rallying their supporters, massing up election materials and pulling their socks up to the knees because of the cold.

The Lebanese opposition led by Hezbollah, a party that supports Syria and Iran and is against everyone else notably the USA, Israel, Australia, Martians and Angelina Jolie said that their plan for the Unified-Islamic-Soviet-Dictatorship of Lebanon (UISDOL) is finally possible thanks to new missile designs shipped last week from Iran.

General Michel Aoun, the Christian subdivision of Hezbollah said that they don't mind sharing some parliament seats with the Australians but they don't want any other Lebanese in office, when asked about Angelina Jolie Aoun got confused then pulled up a paper and said "I don't think I read anything about her in the orders".

The pro-government forces mainly the Lebanese Forces, the Phalanges and most of the Lebanese people think that they should be in charge of the country because they have the most support by the people, a claim that the opposition calls irrelevant saying "It's our opinion that should be taken into consideration, everyone that doesn't agree with it is an Israeli spy operating for the Jewish State". The Lebanese Forces official Samir Geagea said he would have to consult his wife before saying his own opinion about Angelina.

Statistics conducted by various polls show a huge advantage for both sides:

Opposition 84.61%
Pro-government 85.12%

The 169.73% of the Lebanese who took part in the surveys were very evenly matched, both sides are now rallying to get support from the remaining population.


UnNews correspondent in Beirut, Lebanon.