UnNews:Laden changes slogan; gains support

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Straight talk, from straight faces

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 01:01:59 (UTC)

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31 May 2007

YOUNGSTOWN, OH – Benjamin Thomas Laden, an independent candidate in the upcoming Presidential election, has come up with a bold new campaign slogan. While it does not reflect his views on the issues as directly as his previous slogan, “Death to All Who Oppose Me,” he believes it will help him greatly in the election.

“My new slogan is very simple: ‘I’m Not George W. Bush’,” he explains. “That’s all people want to know. They don’t care that I want them all to suffer, that I’ll make sure the war in Iraq lasts until every American soldier is dead, or that I plan to bomb New York City. As long as they know I’m not their current president, they’ll know I’m the best man for the job.” The response so far has been overwhelmingly positive. Laden has already gained support from Nancy Pelosi, Michael Moore, and Hilary Clinton, who bowed out of the race after seeing Laden’s success. In the latest polls, Laden has the support of 90% of voters. Unless something changes drastically before the election, Laden may very well be the next President. American citizens seem to hope for this; there have been 500 support parties across the country since Laden revealed his new slogan.” “There’s only one person who can turn this country around,” says Tim Stein of Illinois, “and that’s Ben Laden.” While the election is over a year away, Laden’s support is strong. If he wins, he will be the country’s first independent president. He will also be the first president born outside of the United States. While the current law prevents him from running for this reason, Pelosi is pushing for an amendment that will change this. “This country needs Ben Laden,” she explained, “and we’re going to make sure this amendment passes.” Laden has yet to choose a running mate, but political analysts believe he will run with his long-time friend, Albert Kayda.

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.