UnNews:International Disease Makers discover new "horseshoe magnet" virus
| UnFair and UnBalanced | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 01:09:59 (UTC) |
| International Disease Makers discover new "horseshoe magnet" virus | 
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20 January 2022
BANGOR, Maine -- On January 13th, 2022, a group of scientists announced to have discovered a new virus to be afraid of, called the Horseshoe Magnet Syndrome.
An anonymous UnNews reporter managed to reach the manager of the group, director Anita Blackman.
"This virus is a rather strange one, it can only infect you if you take a syringe and inject it into your bloodstream,"
"Oddly enough, all it does is cause a giant horseshoe magnet to fly into your head at random intervals with just enough force to give you a mild concussion." Anita stated.
Our reporter — who we just realized doesn't actually work for UnNews — apparently pushed a higher up in the IDM, Professor Micheal Rochester, down the stairs, breaking his femur, ribs, and causing a spinal fracture. UnNews is now facing several lawsuits.
In the ambulance, a replacement correspondent asked for more info on this strange phenomenon. Professor Rochester responded by saying;
"We are currently working on a cure, though it seems like somebody took our name a bit too literally - as this seems quite artificial, probably created as a joke."
Unfortunately, Micheal passed away a short while later due to a nurse's phone needing to be charged.... I bet you can guess what happened.
Since then the science community has determined that, in order to slow the spread of this new virus, duct tape needs to be put over people's nostrils. government officials in Britain, France, and Chiraq are already thinking of implementing a duct tape mandate.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |