UnNews:Homer Simpson awarded nuke power industry's employee of the century
| A newsstand that's brimming with issues | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Tuesday, November 5, 2024, 06:25:59 (UTC) |
| Homer Simpson awarded nuke power industry's employee of the century | 
|
12 June 2006
SPRINGFIELD, ILL. -- During a celebration today, Homer Simpson is to be awarded the Nukular Power Industry Safest Employee of the Century award. In other news, the nuke power industry is rotting from the inside out.
The celebration was hailed as a major milepost. One bald-headed employee had this to say, "I nearly crapped my pants when we made it past the year 2000. Now its several years later, and we're running these old plants balls-to-the-wall...all I can say is Jesus must love us!!"
Over 99% of the United States plant inspectors have retired within the plast 10 years. However, with the US Congress and EPA plans to decommision, no new inspectors have been hired for the past 20 years. Additionally, Nuclear Engineering is no longer taught anywhere in the US since May 2003. The only remaining courses taught anywhere in North America are taught somewhere in Toronto. But to date, nobody is exactly sure where or with which college.
Oddly, of the total US need for power, only 6% comes from Nuke power plants. The rest comes from illegal immigrants and the random invasion of countries like Iraq. "Yeah, last month, on a dare, we ran our plant on 20% overload nonstop. Oh shit, the whole place was shaking like a mother!! " exclaims another slightly yellowed bald-headed employee, "we had metal parts and insulation flying all over the place after that one."
The nuclear power surge has been a quiet process with little public debate. It comes at a time when deregulation of the electric utility industry gives power companies the chance to profit by increasing production as cheaply as possible.
"Hehe, yeah, its gonna be quiet when one of these mothers blows!! Wooyeah! Vote for Howard Dean! Wooyeah!!!"
Not that anybody gives a rats ass, but Exelon boasts a nonstop period of almost two years. Not that it could have any possible negative effect on something like, oh say, control rods. We should also, not be worried because they found absolutely no enriched Uranium, that might have broken off from the fuel rods, in the coolant water.
"Its not a problem, everybody is doing it," VP of Excelon, "I don't see what the big deal is."
Howard Dean had this to say about the situation, "those bastards!!! My voters at nuke plants are too busy keeping shit together and they can't come out and vote for me. Those bastards!!! I'm declaring a national holiday for election day, watch those greedy bastards won't want to pay holiday pay for nothin...booyah I have a plan!!!"
12 June 2006
SPRINGFIELD, USA!!. -- During a celebration today, Homer Simpson is to be awarded the Nukular Power Industry Safest Employee of the Century award. In other news, the nuke power industry is rotting from the inside out.
The celebration was hailed as a major millstone. One bald-headed employee had this to say, "I nearly crapped my pants when we made it past the year 2000. Now its several years later, and we're running these old plants balls-to-the-wall...all I can say is Jebus must love us!!.Woo-Hoo!!"
Over 99% of the United States plant inspectors have retired within the past 10 years. However, with the US Congress and EPA plans to decommision them, no new inspectors have been hired for the past 20 years. Additionally, Nuculerr Engineering is no longer taught anywhere in the US since May 2003. The only remaining courses taught anywhere in North America are taught somewhere in Toronto. But to date, nobody is exactly sure where or with which college ,or can be bothered with Nukulerr,since the Destruction of the Evil Soviet Russian inversion Empire.
Oddly, of the total US need for power, only 6% comes from New-ku-lerr power plants. The rest comes from illegal immigrants and the random invasion of countries like Iraq. "Yeah, last month, on a dare, we ran our plant on 20% overload nonstop. Oh Yeah, the whole place was shaking like a mother!! " exclaims another slightly yellowed bald-headed employee, "We had metal parts and insulation flying all over the place after that one."
The neeyuuwcuhlerrrh power surge has been a quiet process with little public debate. It comes at a time when deregulation of the electric utility industry gives power companies the chance to profit by increasing production as cheaply as possible.
"Hehe, yeah, its gonna be quiet when one of these mothers blows!! Wooyeah! Vote for Howard Dean! Wooyeah!!!"
Not that anybody gives a rats ass, but Exelon boasts a nonstop period of almost two years A day and a half. Not that it could have any possible negative effect on something like, oh say, control rods. We should also, not be worried because they found absolutely no enriched Uranium, that might have broken off from the fuel rods, in the coolant water.
"Its not a problem, everybody is doing it," An anonymous VP of Excelon stated, "I don't see what the big deal is." before going on to add "Smithers, fetch hither my vest made from real gorilla chest.."
Howard Dean had this to say about the situation, "Those bastards!!! My voters at nuwwculerer plants are too busy keeping shit together and they can't come out and vote for me. Those bastards!!! I'm declaring a national holiday for election day, watch those greedy bastards won't want to pay holiday pay for nothin...booyah I have a plan!!!"
Sources[edit]
- Yuri of the former KGB