UnNews:Heroic Argentinian poor march for right to be starving

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19 May 2007

a close up of one of the protesters' heroic and defiant signs.

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina - The poor, penniless and destitute of Argentina gathered for a march today to assert their right to starve. Thousands attended the event, called the most thrilling display of the time-honored tradition of starvation in Argentinian history. The poor gathered out on the street, with shouts of "One meal a day is not o-kay!" and "Starvation is hot! Food is not!"

"Every year it doesn't change." Says rural farmer and father of twelve Manuel Luis Almodovar. "We get these damn Red Cross people, pushing their crappy donated food on us. I always have to tell them, 'Look, Sir, My father starved, and his father starved, and his father's father starved, and I am not about to go and break tradition by eating your food. I don't care how malnourished my children are."

Others are more reluctant. "It's free food." Says local destitute man Alfredo Giron-Lopez. "If they don't take it, I will. I haven't had any food in days." Giron-Lopez is facing ostracization from the general, starving public. The Argentinian people definitely take this seriously, as evidenced in an incident last week, where several Christian missionaries were driven out of a leper colony by a barrage of disconnected limbs.

"I cannot stress the importance of these rallies!" Exclaims Jose Mancillos, a corpulent, well-fed man who works for the Argentinian government. "Without these rallies, hundreds of Argentina's working families might get the idea that it is better to be well-fed and rich than living in conditions of extreme poverty. That is simply not true, and we cannot have outside influence corrupting their minds. We must gather as one nation, one people, and say, 'we are proud of our destitution!'" The day was a long and productive one. The festivities started off with a currency-burning ceremony, and ended with the traditional razing of fields and the premature slaughtering of one-third of the nation's livestock.

Next week's "Free to be Me and Me" pro-orphan rally is still scheduled for next Tuesday at 3 P.M., Mancillos said.