UnNews:Global warming is real

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Monday, June 17, 2024, 12:41:59 (UTC)

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18 July 2008

Zazahkstan Scientists today agreed that global warming was real after they concluded an year-long experiment that cumulated in their watching sexually-explicit movies and eating fried chicken.

"It's been a great success", said Zhin Hu Quong, the lead scientist on the project. "We're all very happy right now".

The project began a year ago when Hu Quong suggested that science would provide all the facts necessary, and there was not really a need for him to even figure out if global warming was real. Top scientists were gathered for major institutions around the world for the internationally backed project. Al Gore, a lead sponsor, said that it was perhaps the most important study ever conducted in the history of history.

"I'm confident that it will cement my position as the pre-eminent global warming expert", he said.

Critics of the project have complained to the United Nations that the project has failed and that global warming has not been proven.

"These scientists might as well have just sat around watching inappropriate movies and eating chicken", said Joe Liberman, of the Global Warming Skeptics Coalition. When told that that is what they had done, he appeared confused.

The United Nations originally voted to unanimously reject the findings of the project, but the motion was defeated when a concurrent bill proposing a 600lb pig as the new Secretary was added. The motion was passed overnight. Elated UN officials called the new Secretary's appointment a success.

"Now we'll finally get things done around here".