UnNews:Disney to Make a "Malibu Chainsaw Massacre" Movie

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17 January 2009

A flashback scene from the movie where Hannah recalls her previous rampage in Tennessee.

On January 16, 2009, Disney announced they were currently making their first Hannah Montanna movie, and surprisingly, it's rated R. "Malibu Chainsaw Massacre", as it is being called, is Disney's working title for their new movie about the extremely good singer (as countless brainwashed fans say) Hannah Montanna AKA Miley Stewart AKA Miley Cyrus who is Miley Stewart in the show who is also Hannah Montanna. Bloody hell! Could Disney make the naming system any more complicated? The movie involves talentless Miley Stewart (or Cyrus, or Montanna, or something like that) losing her fans. She becomes the laughing stock of Malibu, and finally, after finding her dad's moonshine stash, gets drunk and goes on the cannibalistic rampage, the same rampage she went on 8 years ago (the cannibalistic rampage was the reason the family was kicked out of Tennessee), armed with a chainsaw, multiple aliases, a terrible voice, and poorly-made, senseless songs.

“We wanted to make a Hannah Montanna movie to make some more money off of this stupid Hannah Montanna fad, but we didn't want to spend too much money and time on a good movie, so we just gave Hannah a chainsaw and improvised the movie from there, and we decided to use the script from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the movie, except we've added some singing parts, changed some names, and made the movie a non-stop gore fest.”

~ Walt Disney Company's Movie Director Board

The movie is scheduled for release June 18, 2009, so when every kid is out of school, they'll whine, beg, and drive their parents to the brink of insanity asking to go to see the movie. It is unknown if Disney will cancel the movie, but as of now, they aren't planning on it. Tickets are to sell for $500 each, and Disney expects the company scalpers to sell them for around $5,000.


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