UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  2. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  3. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  4. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  5. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  6. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  7. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  8. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  9. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  10. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  11. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  12. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  13. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  14. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  15. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  16. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  17. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  18. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  19. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  20. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  21. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  22. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  23. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  24. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  25. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  26. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  27. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  28. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  29. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  30. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  31. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  32. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  33. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  34. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  35. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  36. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  37. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  38. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  39. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  40. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  41. To untie a mouse, is to untie cheekily
  42. To untie a mouse, is to untie {{adv})
  43. Benito Mussolini is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.