UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  2. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  3. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  4. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  5. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  6. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  7. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  8. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  9. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  10. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  11. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  12. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  13. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  14. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  15. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  16. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  17. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  18. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  19. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  20. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  21. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  22. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  23. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  24. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  25. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  26. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  27. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  28. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  29. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  30. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  31. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  32. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  33. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  34. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  35. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  36. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  37. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  38. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  39. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  40. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  41. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate verbosely
  42. To evaporate a home theater system, is to evaporate {{adv})
  43. Adolf Hitler is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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