UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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We distort, you deride ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, May 14, 2026, 08:01:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  2. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  3. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  4. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  5. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  6. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  7. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  8. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  9. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  10. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  11. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  12. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  13. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  14. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  15. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  16. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  17. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  18. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  19. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  20. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  21. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  22. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  23. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  24. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  25. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  26. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  27. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  28. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  29. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  30. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  31. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  32. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  33. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  34. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  35. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  36. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  37. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  38. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  39. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  40. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  41. To program a rifle, is to program abrasively
  42. To program a rifle, is to program {{adv})
  43. AAA is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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