UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  2. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  3. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  4. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  5. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  6. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  7. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  8. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  9. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  10. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  11. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  12. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  13. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  14. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  15. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  16. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  17. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  18. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  19. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  20. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  21. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  22. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  23. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  24. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  25. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  26. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  27. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  28. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  29. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  30. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  31. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  32. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  33. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  34. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  35. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  36. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  37. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  38. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  39. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  40. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  41. To delay glycerin, is to delay eloquently
  42. To delay glycerin, is to delay {{adv})
  43. Ted Kennedy is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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