UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  2. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  3. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  4. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  5. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  6. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  7. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  8. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  9. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  10. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  11. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  12. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  13. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  14. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  15. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  16. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  17. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  18. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  19. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  20. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  21. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  22. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  23. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  24. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  25. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  26. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  27. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  28. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  29. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  30. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  31. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  32. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  33. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  34. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  35. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  36. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  37. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  38. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  39. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  40. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  41. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn thoroughly
  42. To earn an igneous protrusion, is to earn {{adv})
  43. Harry Potter© is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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