UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  2. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  3. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  4. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  5. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  6. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  7. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  8. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  9. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  10. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  11. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  12. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  13. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  14. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  15. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  16. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  17. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  18. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  19. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  20. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  21. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  22. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  23. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  24. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  25. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  26. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  27. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  28. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  29. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  30. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  31. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  32. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  33. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  34. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  35. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  36. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  37. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  38. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  39. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  40. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  41. To receive a skull, is to receive quickly
  42. To receive a skull, is to receive {{adv})
  43. Jackson Leist is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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