UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Thursday, February 5, 2026, 14:20:59 (UTC)

Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  2. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  3. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  4. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  5. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  6. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  7. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  8. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  9. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  10. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  11. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  12. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  13. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  14. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  15. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  16. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  17. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  18. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  19. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  20. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  21. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  22. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  23. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  24. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  25. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  26. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  27. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  28. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  29. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  30. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  31. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  32. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  33. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  34. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  35. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  36. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  37. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  38. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  39. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  40. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  41. To bomb a blender, is to bomb hardly
  42. To bomb a blender, is to bomb {{adv})
  43. Fidel Castro is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.