UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnFair and UnBalanced ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, February 16, 2026, 21:11:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  2. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  3. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  4. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  5. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  6. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  7. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  8. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  9. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  10. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  11. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  12. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  13. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  14. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  15. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  16. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  17. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  18. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  19. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  20. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  21. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  22. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  23. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  24. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  25. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  26. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  27. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  28. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  29. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  30. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  31. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  32. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  33. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  34. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  35. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  36. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  37. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  38. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  39. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  40. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  41. To negate a cowbell, is to negate seldom
  42. To negate a cowbell, is to negate {{adv})
  43. Sylvester the Cat is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"