UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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The news outlet with approval higher than Congress ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, February 23, 2026, 05:44:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  2. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  3. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  4. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  5. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  6. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  7. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  8. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  9. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  10. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  11. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  12. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  13. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  14. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  15. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  16. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  17. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  18. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  19. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  20. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  21. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  22. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  23. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  24. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  25. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  26. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  27. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  28. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  29. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  30. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  31. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  32. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  33. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  34. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  35. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  36. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  37. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  38. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  39. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  40. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  41. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen virtually
  42. To weazen a pile of flaming horse feces, is to weazen {{adv})
  43. Harry Potter is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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