UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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We distort, you deride ✪ UnNews ✪ Wednesday, February 18, 2026, 06:52:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  2. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  3. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  4. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  5. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  6. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  7. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  8. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  9. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  10. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  11. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  12. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  13. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  14. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  15. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  16. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  17. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  18. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  19. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  20. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  21. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  22. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  23. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  24. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  25. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  26. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  27. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  28. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  29. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  30. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  31. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  32. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  33. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  34. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  35. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  36. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  37. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  38. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  39. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  40. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  41. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate often
  42. To navigate a reindeer, is to navigate {{adv})
  43. Khan Noonien Singh is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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