UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  2. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  3. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  4. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  5. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  6. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  7. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  8. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  9. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  10. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  11. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  12. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  13. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  14. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  15. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  16. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  17. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  18. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  19. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  20. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  21. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  22. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  23. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  24. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  25. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  26. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  27. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  28. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  29. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  30. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  31. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  32. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  33. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  34. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  35. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  36. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  37. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  38. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  39. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  40. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  41. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen rabidly
  42. To widen fissile uranium, is to widen {{adv})
  43. Jesus Christ is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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