UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  2. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  3. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  4. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  5. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  6. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  7. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  8. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  9. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  10. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  11. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  12. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  13. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  14. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  15. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  16. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  17. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  18. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  19. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  20. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  21. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  22. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  23. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  24. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  25. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  26. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  27. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  28. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  29. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  30. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  31. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  32. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  33. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  34. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  35. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  36. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  37. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  38. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  39. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  40. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  41. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify rabidly
  42. To quantify a muffin, is to quantify {{adv})
  43. Barney the Dinosaur is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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