UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  2. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  3. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  4. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  5. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  6. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  7. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  8. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  9. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  10. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  11. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  12. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  13. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  14. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  15. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  16. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  17. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  18. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  19. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  20. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  21. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  22. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  23. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  24. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  25. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  26. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  27. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  28. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  29. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  30. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  31. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  32. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  33. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  34. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  35. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  36. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  37. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  38. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  39. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  40. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  41. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect grotesquely
  42. To detect a t-shirt, is to detect {{adv})
  43. Sal Fasano is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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