UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
We distort, you deride ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, January 26, 2026, 10:02:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  2. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  3. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  4. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  5. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  6. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  7. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  8. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  9. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  10. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  11. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  12. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  13. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  14. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  15. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  16. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  17. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  18. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  19. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  20. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  21. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  22. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  23. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  24. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  25. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  26. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  27. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  28. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  29. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  30. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  31. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  32. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  33. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  34. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  35. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  36. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  37. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  38. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  39. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  40. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  41. To revolve a book, is to revolve offensively
  42. To revolve a book, is to revolve {{adv})
  43. Sterling Morton is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"