UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  2. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  3. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  4. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  5. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  6. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  7. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  8. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  9. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  10. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  11. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  12. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  13. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  14. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  15. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  16. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  17. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  18. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  19. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  20. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  21. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  22. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  23. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  24. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  25. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  26. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  27. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  28. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  29. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  30. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  31. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  32. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  33. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  34. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  35. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  36. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  37. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  38. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  39. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  40. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  41. To lick a pillow, is to lick occasionally
  42. To lick a pillow, is to lick {{adv})
  43. Strong Bad is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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