UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A newsstand that's brimming with issues ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, February 22, 2026, 01:30:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  2. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  3. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  4. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  5. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  6. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  7. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  8. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  9. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  10. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  11. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  12. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  13. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  14. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  15. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  16. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  17. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  18. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  19. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  20. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  21. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  22. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  23. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  24. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  25. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  26. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  27. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  28. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  29. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  30. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  31. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  32. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  33. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  34. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  35. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  36. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  37. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  38. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  39. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  40. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  41. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow heartlessly
  42. To swallow a pillow, is to swallow {{adv})
  43. Natalie Portman is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"