UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Democracy Dies with Dignity

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UnNews

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Saturday, February 21, 2026, 13:19:59 (UTC)

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:

The 43 Lost Proverbs

1. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
2. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
3. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
4. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
5. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
6. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
7. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
8. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
9. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
10. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
11. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
12. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
13. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
14. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
15. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
16. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
17. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
18. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
19. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
20. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
21. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
22. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
23. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
24. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
25. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
26. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
27. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
28. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
29. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
30. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
31. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
32. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
33. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
34. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
35. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
36. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
37. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
38. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
39. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
40. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
41. To explicate a homology, is to explicate fondly
42. To explicate a homology, is to explicate {{adv})
43. Tom and Jerry is a real peach.

Sources

• the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.