UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! ✪ UnNews ✪ Wednesday, January 14, 2026, 20:19:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  2. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  3. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  4. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  5. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  6. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  7. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  8. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  9. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  10. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  11. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  12. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  13. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  14. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  15. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  16. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  17. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  18. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  19. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  20. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  21. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  22. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  23. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  24. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  25. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  26. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  27. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  28. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  29. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  30. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  31. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  32. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  33. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  34. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  35. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  36. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  37. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  38. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  39. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  40. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  41. To smash a search engine, is to smash peacefully
  42. To smash a search engine, is to smash {{adv})
  43. Pablo Picasso is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"