UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  2. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  3. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  4. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  5. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  6. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  7. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  8. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  9. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  10. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  11. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  12. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  13. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  14. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  15. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  16. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  17. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  18. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  19. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  20. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  21. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  22. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  23. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  24. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  25. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  26. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  27. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  28. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  29. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  30. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  31. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  32. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  33. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  34. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  35. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  36. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  37. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  38. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  39. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  40. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  41. To mature glycerin, is to mature puzzlingly
  42. To mature glycerin, is to mature {{adv})
  43. Pablo Picasso is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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