UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, February 8, 2026, 00:36:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  2. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  3. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  4. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  5. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  6. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  7. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  8. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  9. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  10. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  11. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  12. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  13. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  14. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  15. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  16. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  17. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  18. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  19. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  20. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  21. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  22. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  23. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  24. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  25. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  26. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  27. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  28. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  29. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  30. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  31. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  32. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  33. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  34. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  35. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  36. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  37. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  38. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  39. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  40. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  41. To pass a toaster, is to pass poorly
  42. To pass a toaster, is to pass {{adv})
  43. Khan Noonien Singh is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"