UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  2. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  3. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  4. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  5. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  6. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  7. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  8. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  9. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  10. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  11. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  12. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  13. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  14. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  15. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  16. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  17. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  18. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  19. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  20. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  21. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  22. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  23. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  24. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  25. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  26. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  27. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  28. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  29. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  30. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  31. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  32. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  33. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  34. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  35. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  36. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  37. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  38. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  39. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  40. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  41. To negate a book, is to negate rudely
  42. To negate a book, is to negate {{adv})
  43. Timmy Turner is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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