UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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UnFair and UnBalanced ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, February 26, 2026, 14:46:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  2. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  3. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  4. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  5. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  6. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  7. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  8. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  9. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  10. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  11. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  12. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  13. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  14. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  15. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  16. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  17. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  18. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  19. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  20. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  21. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  22. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  23. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  24. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  25. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  26. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  27. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  28. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  29. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  30. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  31. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  32. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  33. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  34. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  35. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  36. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  37. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  38. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  39. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  40. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  41. To litigate a memo, is to litigate virtually
  42. To litigate a memo, is to litigate {{adv})
  43. Peter Griffin is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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