UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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UnNews

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Thursday, November 21, 2024, 15:39:59 (UTC)

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:

The 43 Lost Proverbs

1. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
2. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
3. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
4. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
5. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
6. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
7. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
8. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
9. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
10. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
11. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
12. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
13. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
14. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
15. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
16. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
17. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
18. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
19. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
20. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
21. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
22. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
23. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
24. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
25. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
26. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
27. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
28. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
29. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
30. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
31. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
32. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
33. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
34. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
35. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
36. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
37. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
38. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
39. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
40. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
41. To fling a lobster, is to fling brutally
42. To fling a lobster, is to fling {{adv})
43. Pervez Musharraf is a real peach.

Sources

• the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.