UnNews:DMV style compromise reached on gun control

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Where man always bites dog ✪ UnNews ✪ Tuesday, December 3, 2024, 17:39:59 (UTC)
DMV style compromise reached on gun control UnNews Logo Potato.png

18 December 2014

Department of Gun Permits in the future?

WASHINGTON DC — In a historical precedent and rare act of solidarity the otherwise bitterly divided Reds and Blues on Capitol Hill aka the FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS have finally reached a compromise on gun control through unanimously passing the Gun Users License Act. The new Law stipulates the establishment of local DMV-style “Department of Gun Permits” which would function the same as the US Department of Motor vehicles, but for gun licenses.

Once the president signs this law into effect, it will be impossible to purchase, possess and use a fire arm without a permit. Everyone will have to turn in their firearms, both legal and hot, no-questions asked - to the Government, and then visit their local DGP or Department of Gun Permits in order to meet the requirements and obtain the license.

Prospective gun permit holders would be required to first pay a $1,000 fee, and fill out all the forms in long-hand using black ink. Then one must take a service number, and wait in line for hours or days or even months for the hard of hearing, to hear their respective number called. After handing in their registration receipt and completed application forms, every prospective gun user is then required go though the following processes:

  • Pass a criminal, medical and sexual background check up
  • Pass an eye, ear, nose & throat examination
  • Study and memorize the gun use commandment: “Thou shalt not load”
  • Study and memorize the hammer use commandment: “Thou shalt not cock”
  • Study and memorize the trigger use commandment: “Thou shalt not pull”
  • Pass a written, verbal and psychic examination
  • Pass a firearms unpacking, handling and repacking test
  • And finally, swear the Mahatma Gandhi Memorial Oath of Allegiance to non-violence - in the presence of a Justice of the Peace.

After completing all these steps one will be given another waiting number, to then stand in line for hours, days or even weeks, for the number to be called. At this point successful applicants are given their gun permit - valid for 6 month. To renew the permit after six months the application process must to be repeated.

NOTE: THE NEW LAW APPLIES TO THE ENTRE AMERICAN PUBLIC - INCLUDING ALL ACTIVE-DUTY POLICE AND MILITARY PERSONAL (INCLUDING SEAL TEAM 6) - IT ALSO APPIES TO ALL OUTLAWS, AND IS TO BE ENFORCED BY NATO.

If this sounds draconian, then just consider the Department of Motor Vehicles, is that Draconian? Does any one think it not sensible to issue a valid drivers license to one wishing to operate a motor vehicle? Everyone agrees to deal with the the DMV to get a driving permit. So why should obtaining a gun permit be any easier? Especially considering that guns have no other purpose than to kill, while automobiles can be used for generally benign transportation or shagging in the back seat.

This is not a public service announcement.

UnNews Logo Potato.png
 This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:DMV_style_compromise_reached_on_gun_control&oldid=5844351"