UnNews:Cleveland Cavaliers 'Give Up'

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Thursday, November 21, 2024, 16:21:59 (UTC)

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14 June 2007

IN A STATEMENT released to the press Tuesday directly following their 75-72 loss to the San Antonio Spurs, Cavaliers Head Coach Mike Brown announced that the Cavaliers 'Give up' and will not be playing Game 4 of the NBA Championship. "I mean, around the second game, we thought we still had hope," Brown said in the statement. "But after this third loss, everybody in the locker room just agreed there was really no point. We're taking our ball and going home." Star Cavaliers player Lebron James added, "Those guys are really mean."

Brown speaks at a Press Conference Wednesday, explaining his decision to 'give up.'

'One Big Guilt Trip'[edit]

Sports analyst Mark Zebrowski thinks the press release is nothing more than "a guilt trip for the [San Antonio] Spurs." On his SportRadio show, Zebrowski noted the "generally depressing" tone of the press release. "It's really nothing more than a way of trying to make the Spurs be nice, and promise the Cavaliers that'd they'd let them win one game." Sports writer Tony Michaelson disagrees. In his syndicated column Wednesday, Michaelson said the press release was fairly straightfoward, and designed to save "the Cavaliers the embarrassment of losing all 4 games."

Implications on the NBA Championship[edit]

Many experts are now confused on how to award the Championship to the Spurs, or whether or not to award them the Championship at all. "Nobody has ever won the NBA Championship based on playing just 3 games before," said Mike Zebrowski. "Winning the championship because another team gave up is unprecedented." The NBA has not formally announced its decision on the matter, although sources say it is most likely they will award the Spurs the title. As for the Spurs themselves, things are looking pretty good. "I'm happy we won," said Spurs player Tony Parker. "Those guys are just being sore losers and stuff."