UnNews:Cause of Global Warming found - ITS AL GORE

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 05:44:59 (UTC)
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1 July 2007

A rare view of the gasses the ex-vice president emits resulting from an uncontrolled belch. It is said that he has destroyed "many hundreds" of suit trousers, and is responsible for causing countless brush-fires out west, as a result of passing gas via his rectum. Moreover, his proctologists reportedly must wear protective asbestos gloves and "cannot have facial hair."

Today, the cause of Global Warming has been found. No joke, no theories, no assumptions. "It seems that the cause was right under our noses this entire time," said climate change expert Dr. Herbert Hahlson. The shocking cause is Al Gore, who has been determined to be the sole cause of Global Warming. Apparently, every time Mr. Gore's mouth opened, he emitted potent greenhouse gases, which have been causing the earth to gradually warm up since approximately 1998. When asked about solving the problem, Al Gore said, "What problem? I've gotten all of the money I can out of you worthless slaves --oops-- I mean you humble taxpayers and moviegoers, and I intend now to live a life of extreme luxury while continuing to bitch about climate change."

From the rest of the scientific community, the reaction has been swift and positive. "Why didn't we see this all along?" commented one scientist. "We probably were woozy from the fumes Al Gore was emitting, but still! He starts preaching about global warming, and all of a sudden, there it is!"

Fortunately for Mr. Gore's precious cause, a solution has been found to climate change that is being put into effect right now. The ex-vice president has been placed in a sealed, climate-controlled chamber, in which he will live for the rest of his life. Luckily for the vast number of citizens that don't care about global warming, the chamber is also sound-proof.

Manbearpig could not be reached for comment. This is due to the fact that he is underfoing plastic surgery, provided free from Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon.

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