UnNews:Capita letter-bombed, entire UK population suspected

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Where man always bites dog UnNews Friday, June 9, 2023, 19:00:59 (UTC)

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5 February 2007

Some have questioned whether the explosion was in fact a letter bomb or merely the new Capita Privatised London Black Cab Service.

WESTMINSTER, INC., London, Monday (UNN) — A letter bomb exploded last night at Capita, the company responsible for more Public-Private Partnerships than any other in Britain.

Crapita is noted for its sterling public service consultancy work, in which the government keeps public debt down by selling off the nation to the private sector and magically causing the debt not to show on either set of books, at only three or four times the total cost over time and successfully delivering at least half the projects in question.

"I don't understand it," said a spokesdroid. "We have the contracts to administer the Congestion Charge, TV Licensing, speed cameras, public schools rebuilt on what were their own playing fields, broken Tube trains, broken mainline trains, delaying the dole, pensions and tax credits, council tax, the Criminal Records Bureau for the Home Office ... Why would anyone hate us this much?"

The Police Counter Terrorism Command Unit said that the entire population of Britain was the obvious suspect in the bombing, and would be held for questioning for 28 days, or 90 days if John Reid asked nicely. They said this made a change from the 1970s, when the entire population of Ireland was regarded as a suspect in any bombing. The Real True Actual Proper Irish Republican Army offered its services to the people of Britain to help liberate them from their British oppressors, at a very reasonable rate of expected annual return over thirty years.