UnNews:Bar fight breaks out at formal fundraising dinner party

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Democracy Dies with Dignity UnNews Wednesday, September 27, 2023, 05:57:59 (UTC)

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29 July 2023

Time to toss around some beer!

LINCOLN, Iowa -- At a formal dinner party held as a Republican Party fundraiser, a bar fight broke out, and multiple cans of Bud Light were spilled and thrown at each other by the guests.

Most of the guests were quite drunk on designer drugs and expensive wine. The slang term for these designer drugs is "Donalds". They can be smoked, taken in pill form, injected into the body like germ killers, or absorbed through the skin. To Donald addicts, the very sight of others using Donalds creates an irresistible compulsion. The host, Ron DeSantis, hired bouncers to keep these drugs out of the sight of recovering addicts, but some managed to get through security for the dinner, where the final guests arrived just in time to enjoy the fine roast that would be served. Rumor has it the security guards were bribed.

It started off like a friendly game of "knock over the cans". Then some of the guests knocked some of the cans completely out of the target area, then to celebrate, they proceeding to use their baseball bats on the cans themselves, and just missed one of the chandeliers. One person, standing under the dangerously swaying chandelier, yelled "Are you trying to kill us?" Some other very intoxicated guests were enraged and indignant that Bud Lite had been spilled all over their formal attire, and cried, "Conspiracy! You're one of THEM! WITCH HUNT!" A massive bar fight ensued with people grabbing and throwing beer cans at each other.