Tighten A.E.
Tighten A.E., is the name of the last great struggle between traditional hand-drawn animation, and cold, soulless computer generations, with the "A.E." standing for "Animation Extinction". The war lasted from 2000 to 3028, causing casualties by the millions on both sides, until they finally reached an uneasy agreement to co-exist peacefully.
First Slaughter[edit]
The computer generations came down on the animations without warning or mercy. Under the bloodthirsty general Shrek, the CG forces launched their Toy Story campaign, crushing animation strongholds such as Atlantis The Lost Empire and The Road to El Dorado. But some hope remained for the brave animated fighters, since key leaders like Sinbad, Brother Bear, and the Prince of Egypt eluded capture. Frustrated with such resistance, the CG army launched its ultimate weapon: the Drej, horrible sadistic monsters made of pure, computer generated energy.
The Drej hordes struck hard and fast, destroying the animated home world of Treasure Planet and scattering the surviving animations to the four winds. Many of the animations evolved into highly detailed anime, while others devolved into cheap Flash cartoons. Others still, became comedic adult oriented cartoons, an area that the CG forces were unable to make a foothold in since their failed Tripping the Rift campaign. But without a home planet, the weakened, un-unified animations would gradually die out in such sordid, menial occupations.
A New Hope[edit]
But all was not lost for the animations, for prior to Treasure Planet's destruction, Walt Disney built and hid a magic, planet-creating space ship. Before dying, the cybernetic cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney tattooed a map to the hand of his secret clone son Cale.
And so, Cale gathered a crew and the brave adventurers flew off to the planet of Batmen. The Batmen taught Cale how to decipher the map on his hand, shortly before a surprise attack from the Drej. The Drej manage to capture Cale and Psylock, and read Cale's map to the Tighten, intending to destroy it. The Drej then sell Psylock to sex slavers for gas money, but Psylock beats up the sex slavers, while Cale heroically escapes the Drej before they both get picked up by their crew. Aroused by their powers of "kick ass", Cale and Psylock start a hot, one-dimensional romance. Captain Falcon and Nathan Lane get jealous of Cale's ability with women, and so betrayed the rest of the crew to the Drej.
cale leads his remaining friends in a race across ice asteroids to get to the Tighten. In the bloody Battle Royale, Goon asplodes but comes back, Nathan Lane gets killed for being a fat, obnoxious jerk and Captain Falcon gets a randomly convenient change of heart. Together, Cale and Falcon beat the Drej and use their energy bodies to power up the Tighten.
Ascension to Peace[edit]
With a home world to take root in, the animations reached a fresh new era of economic prosperity and spiritual enlightenment. The computer generated forces on the other hand, ceased winning easy victories without the Drej, and a sense of despair fell over their troop masses. Some thought they were being hoodwinked, while others felt they were living "a bug's life, waiting to be squished at any moment". Such gloomy dispositions even worked their way up to the commanding officers. General Shrek was over-worked, General Nemo went missing, General Wall-E was too busy cleaning up other people's messes, and General Megamind was terrified, shaking in his custom-made baby seal rubber boots. The CG nation was having economic troubles as well; Monsters Inc. couldn't provide enough energy for their army's increasing demands, even with the new energy source of stand up comedian voice actors; resulting in the sinking of the capital ship Fox Animation Studios.
Pressured by such problems, the CG Prime Minister Kung Fu Panda overthrew his war mongering generalissimo Mr. Incredible, and signed a peace treaty with the Frog Princess, ending centuries of senseless violence.
References in Pop Culture[edit]
The war was reverently honored in the fully animated hit movie Titan A.E.. Nevertheless, the film was a huge commercial success, earning billions at the box office and preventing a flood of terrible children's CGI movies designed as backdoor pilots for even worse cartoons using the recycled character computer models.