Tel Aviv

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Tel Aviv
Tel Aviv skyline
Motto: At least it's not Ashkelon
State Palestine
Official nickname The Iron Dome
Official language(s) Jewish, Muslim, Russian Orthodox
Mayor Karl Marx
Opening hours Closed on Saturdays

Frequently confused with the city named after it, Tel-Aviv is a slang expression in the Jewish language meaning: Tell Aviv (Aviv is a Mossad agent whose code name is "hapoel beer-sheva yarda lega") so when a dude in intelligence gets some news he shouts:"tel-aviv". Therefore meaning to tell Aviv about something (in most cases about bad arabs and crazy chickens who kidnapped a plane and intend to crash it into ground zero, or New Orleans (what's left of it anyway.)


Tel-Aviv was once an extremely old and under-devoloped city, but is gradually undergoing complete renovations and is currently at a state where all the cities buildings and attractions are either brand new or falling apart, with no inbetween!

Ironically, Tel-Aviv is home to many of Israel's rich & famous, people like famous Gigolo Bayge Shohat, poet Yossi Abucsis, Han Schlomo & his sidekick Jewbacca, and Romanian thief Alon Hooter. In 2002 Tel Aviv Mayor, Gil Sasober legalised prostitution and Tel Aviv became the whore capital of the Middle East, the most famous prostitute being Madlen Cohen Gery, who is known for her unlimited energy and affordable prices.

General atmosphere[edit]

Tel-Aviv is one of the only remaining cities on Earth that flood after 10 seconds of rain, which makes it one of the 7 natural wonders in the world. This is however not a prominent problem, as rain is not frequently seen. The weather tends to follow the trend of hot, humid and hellish, causing the people in the surrounding cities to wear wife-beaters and golden chains. The weather also contributes to the national mentality of confusion and lethargy, which accompanies the Jewish population on the roads, in the buildings, and in queues at the supermarket.

Although Tel Aviv offers more career opportuntities than most of the cities in Israel, it can still be a real struggle to make a decent wage, which causes many of the cities population to be extremely money-obsessed almost to the point of insanity (beware tourists!!)

Despite the great lack of general organisation and the failure to properly grasp the concept of 'polite service', Tel Aviv makes up for these faults by being renouned as 'a city of ultimate freedom', where laws exist but most of the cities' inhabitants rarely abide by them. To pick one example, people are free to continue smoking after the non-smoking laws were passed in Tel Aviv and restaurants continue to offer ashtrays to their clientele upon request.

Anything goes in Tel Aviv - people are rarely judged for how they dress and behave, they are free to live how they please and to learn from their own mistakes. In a world where people fought so hard for 'freedom', Tel Aviv one of the very few places in which this freedom fight was actually successful! Once people experience this rule-free environment, both inhabitants and tourists find it extremely difficult to be civil back in the westernized environments, where the laws are strongly enforced and almost suffocating for those who have become accustomed to daily freedom.


The typical behaviour of the majority of the population does not apply to everyone. Zfonbonim- Zfon meaning north and bonim meaning chocolate bon-bons one might eat for pleasure, are a supreme section of the population, with the ability to transform their natural hatred and hostile behaviour to snobbery and nose jobs. They will be found on the outskirts of Tel Aviv, in Ramat Aviv, sushi bars, and the leading chain of deodorants, Aroma (which offers 1 billion types of deodorants and a free pen with every 79th purchase).