Talk:Express kidnapping

Brilliant article! Congratulations man. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:16, May 17, 2013 (UTC)

Pee Review

Humour:	8	I liked all your jokes. Parts which I liked the most were about walking in the walled garden, meditation, mortality result.However, almost all of talked about how a person spends is time with his kidnappers. Below are the suggestions for other jokes: You can give examples of people who have experienced these holidays and liked it or not. You could make a joke on the government (of any country) which sometimes reacts slowly to what is happening and doesn't do everything to get those people saved. In addition to everything said, you associate express kidnapping with a style of holidays and explain why it is good, but at one point you say 100% mortality rate. I think this can break your writing style and humor style. To improve this, you can put: "Although the promoters of such vacations convince thier clients that nothing will happen to them, there have been several death cases. Etc.".
Concept:	10	I can't find any negative points about your concept. I think it is very well-developed. If you want some suggestions of jokes, I have added them in the "'Humor"' section.
Prose and formatting:	7	Good writing-style! I did not notice any bad grammar but, just to make sure, you can ask for a Proofreading service (add {{Proofread}} at the end of your article). Also, there are several defects I noticed: I didn't really understand why one of your sections is called "A History" and not just "History" (which would maybe sound better. Long sentences are always hard to read. One of your longest sentences is: "Later revisions... to end the holiday early". If the sentence is broken up into several smaller parts, it would be more encyclopedic and legible. The article doesn't have a lot of links. The sections that don't have any are: "'Paseo millonario"', "'Maritime adventure"'. In the last section there is a red link, which (possibly) could be modified. There are several bits of second person. "You" can easily be remplaced by "client".
Images:	6	The first image is very good as well as its comment. But the absence of any others creates an impression that your article is unfinished.
Miscellaneous:	7.8	Average score.
Final Score:	38.8	Very good article! But there is still some work needed especially on the formatting. Several jokes can also be added.
Reviewer:	Anton (talk) 08:54, May 19, 2013 (UTC)