Sydney Opera House

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The Sydney Opera House, Sydney, Australia. Opera not pictured.

“I just hate their music. Love the structure though”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Love this building, but Australian radio DJs have no sence of humour. I'll just leave”

~ Jörn Ützön

The Sydney Opera House is an opera house in Sydney.[I Don't Believe This] It is located by Sydney Harbour and close to Sydney Tower, which is a large tower in the same city. It is a relatively short distance from the Sydney Harbour Bridge, (which bridges Sydney Harbour), the Sydney Entertainment Centre, (which is a centre for entertaining activities, as opposed to opera) and the Sydney Cricket Ground (self explanatory).


The Sydney Opera House was constructed in an ingenious 3 phase plan that allowed for the construction to only last 3 weeks and cost only enough money to be earned back in coal exports.

Phase 1: First the Sydney police force created a military blockade between north and south heads. This meant every one of the 345 sailing boats in the harbour were trapped. Next a highly trained American Pshyopath Division was deployed to shoot everyone on the nicest looking boat. This allowed for the boat to be hijacked and craned onto Bennallong Point.

Phase 2: After this everyone on the construction team did an rain dance and the public prayed for the days rain to be made out of sail-boat magnetic (pulled towards sailboats) concrete. This miraculous luck meant that the hijacked sail boat was covered in concrete by the next morning.

Phase 3: The house was then covered with its iconic white tiles, purchased from the IKEA at Tempe. This was by far the longest part of the construction as during the time a politician threw a hissy fit and the works had to be temporarily canceled.

Results: The Opera House has since given a name to the city in which it resides, with it being most commonly cited as proof that people live in Australia. Scientific research conducted by the University of Bad Science concludes that at least 110% of tourists visit Australia because the opera house looks pretty and gives life to the barren desert wasteland that is Australia.


So was everything in Sydney named by Captain Obvious?

I'm not sure what you mean. Things in Sydney are always given exciting and original names. Not like in Melbourne! They're always giving things boring names, like the Melbourne Cricket Grounds and the Melbourne Entertainment Centre. How uninspired is that?

I see. So this obviousity is a more generalised Australian thing, then?

The state of Western Australia is located in the western end of Australia

Nonsense! Australia is full of interestingly named things. They are all over the country, from the Great Sandy Desert to the Snowy Mountains; from the Brisbane Entertainment Centre to the Perth Entertainment Centre; from Western Australia to South Australia; from the University of Tasmania to the University of Western Sydney; from the Scenic Railway to the Big Banana; from the Top End to the Great Australian Bight...

Wait! Those last two sound interesting! What are they?

The "Top End" is what we call the North of the country, you see, at the top end of the map; whereas the Great Australian Bight is that bit in the south that looks like a big bite mark on the map.

Or maybe not. What's this "Big Banana", then. A sex shop?

Don't be silly! It's in Coff's Harbour, a harbourside town named after Mr. Coff, and it's a building in the shape of a banana


The Big Banana. It's imaginative name hides a secret - it's not a big banana at all, just a big banana shaped building!

Well you can walk in and buy bananas and banana based food items. And there's some sort of educational thing about bananas. And maybe a ride. And if you're not interested in going in, you can take funny pictures. Like if you can get the perspective right, you can make it look like you're trying to eat a building.

Okay. That's a little interesting, I guess.

Oh, it gets better. We also have a Big Pineapple.

Uh huh.

Also A Big Lamb, Big Chicken, Big Cheese, Big Bull, Big Cod, Big Prawn, Big Mosquito, Big Spider, Big Sundial, Big Crab, Big Miner's Lamp, Big Cow, Big Golf Ball, Big Guitar, Big Wine Bottle, Big Mango, Big Marino, Big Whale, Big Kangaroo...

Okay, you can shut up now.

Sorry, I sometimes get carried away with all the interesingly named things that there are in Australia. Did you know that the word Australia comes from the Latin word for "south", because it is in the Southern Hemisphere?

This is getting painful. Let's go back to the Opera House.


Okay, what's the name of the opera house in Milan?

The Nullarbor Plain. "Nullus" means "no", whereas "arbor" means "tree". Personally, I would have called it the "Flat Dirt Plain", but some people just have to get fancy.

La Scala.

And what's the name of the opera house in London?

Covent Garden.

And New York?

The Met.

And Sydney?

The Sydney Opera House.

Now do you see what I'm getting at?

Uh... We should have called it the Big Australian Sydney Opera House?

Oh, so close. Let's try again. Name the cricket grounds in Mumbai, Johannesburg and London?

Gymkana, Old Wanderers and Lords.

And Brisbane, Sydney and Adelaide?

The Brisbane Cricket Ground, the Sydney Cricket Ground and the Adelaide Oval.

Light dawning yet?

If Hugh Laurie were to sing opera in Syndey, we might call him the "Sydney Opera House". But we wouldn't, because Dr. House is not his real name. We'd still just call him Hugh Laurie.

Uh, revenge is self defeating?


Always be true to yourself, even if all of the popular girls...


...Something about man's inhumanity to man?

N... Actually, you know what? That's probably as close as you're ever going to get.

Great! So, what else can I tell you about the Big Australian Sydney Harbourside Opera House of Sydney-Style Opera?

Actually, I'm going to go lie down for a while.