St. Francis Xavier University

X Sane-a-vex StFX (Sainavex) and Alcoholics Synonymous
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: '"I need a Rita for this hangover"
Anthem: "X Gon' Give It to Ya"
Capital	The SUB
Largest city	Lane Hall
Official language(s)	Drunken Gibberish
Government	Cult
‑ Supreme Leader	Kent MacDonald
‑ Prime Minister	Kevin Wamsley
‑ President	Rt. Honorable Cecil Van Buskirk
‑ High Priest	Father Gary
‑ Mascot	Father Stan
‑ God-Emperor	Brian Mulroney
Currency	DCB
Religion	Xaverianism
Population	More than Antigonish probably
Ethnic groups	30% Business boys, 40% student athletes, 25% rich kids from Alberta, 35% blonde nursing girls, 100% Alcoholics

StFX University is a large school within the sprawling metropolis of Antigonish, Nova Scotia. The university is known for being the quietest and tamest university in Canada with students largely opting to go to the library to study on Friday and Saturday nights rather than go out and "party" like heathens.

History

One night, long ago in 1526, a young student at the University of Paris by the name of Francis Xavier was out partying at the local university tavern.

Culture

Holidays

StFX culture includes a great deal of holidays. A "holiday", as defined by St. Francis Xavier, is "any occasion in which it is possible in the slightest to appropriately consume alcohol". Now, in Xaverian culture, Monday 8:15's are considered an appropriate occasion to consume alcohol, so for the reader's convenience we narrowed to definition to when the MAJORITY of students chose to become intoxicated;

Wing Night

Armour of a Wing Night Warrior

The 4th day in the Xaverian calendar, corresponding to the English "Wednesday". Wing Night is a dearly held holiday among Xaverians in which the Inn, the cultural hub and holiest site of StFX, serves half-price wings, attracting students in droves who cannot handle another serving of Meal Hall "chicken". Later on in the night, the Inn opens up the dance floor and bar for students to have a quiet place of study. It is said that the one who never misses a Wing Night for 1 year ascends to the rank of "Wing Night Warrior".

Furnsday

The 5th day in the Xaverian calendar, corresponding to the English "Thursday".

Religion

God-Emperor Mulroney

Language

StFX students speak a bastardized mix of Maritime English and drunken gibberish with a couple of Albertan loan words and unique terms and sayings tossed in, making it extremely difficult for outsiders to understand

Ex. "Oh yeah bud so we was at dome havin' a right muck n' were gonna go grind out some middy studyin' at the lib but then the HP called a veto n' we were like 'cheers mate!' it is Furnsday after all! N' then we got X-ringed by five 4th years and that's how I ended up at St. Martha's"

Cuisine

Actual photo of Meal Hall food

StFX's national dish is undoubtedly the Rita Wrap (second is chicken with the sauce), similar in quality to a Krabby Patty except in wrap form. Morrison Hall (aka "Meal Hall" or "Dome") is a five-star exemplary culinary establishment found on StFX campus. The restaurant was given a Michelin Star in 2004 and all meals provided are recipes crafted by Gordan Ramsay himself. Other eating establishments include the Inn, yes, that's right, it serves more than just alcohol, the Keat'n Kafe, Rita Pit, Brian's Kitchen, and Mini Star's Moebucks. Traditional staples of Xaverian students include Mr. Noodles and beer.

Demographics

StFX is a largely tribal society with roughly 14 main clans/ethnic groups (although numbers have changed somewhat in recent years (#RIPLane #MakeCamHallGreatAgain), each with their own rich history and cultural traditions. There happens to be intense rivalries between tribes that tend to plunge the entire nation into a civil war every February.

Lane Pitbulls (RIP)

The Lane tribe is an endangered ethnic group who were expelled from their home by the federal government due to unsanitary conditions. Historically the largest ethnicity in the nation, the Lane were a diverse people, excepting many outcasts from other tribes such as MacIsaac. The Lane held strange cultural practices involving sinks and were rumoured to have a high degree of sexually transmitted infections. However, they were an extremely patriotic people and proud of their home and heritage.

MacNeil Marauders

Motto: "That IS my real name!"

Calling the city of MacKinnon Hall home, the MacNeil tribe is a highly integrated, historically male, warrior clan known for their strange names and bodily markings. Little is known of this group due to their exclusive nature and hostility to outsiders.

Chillis Chicks/Chargers

The Chillis tribe, also residing in MacKinnon Hall, formed by an ancient union of the Chisholm and Gillis tribes, are a closely related ethnic group to the MacNeil, sharing much of the same language and traditions. The Chillis are a historically female group and are much less hostile than their MacNeil brothers, being very involved in social life and holding high positions in the federal government. They are friendly to members of other tribes but still relatively exclusive and secretive when it comes to visitors to their home or their cultural practices.

MSBitches

Residing high in the mystical haunted mountain of Mt. St. Bernard and guarded by the three legendary spirits of Bernie, Fergus, and the Blue Nun.

Burke Brawlers

Motto: "Fuck Mac"

The Burke, Plessis and Fraser tribes all reside deep in the heart of the Bishops Jungle.

MacIsaac Assholes

AKA McIsaac, MacIssac, MacIsacc, MacIisac, McIssac

Motto: "Where's the fuckin Whalebone?"

The MacIsaac tribe lives in the slightly larger MacIsaac Jungle.

TNT Tigers

The TNT tribe, formed by an ancient union of the Thompson and Tompkins tribes, is a historically all-female group residing in Cameron Hall, largely considered the scariest city in the nation with high rates of drug use and crime.

MacPherson Mustangs

Motto: "Save a horse, ride a Mustang ha ha"

Settled on the grassland savanna outside of Cameron Hall,

MacDonald Highlanders

Living in the highlands outside of Cameron Hall,

Cameron Cavaliers

In 2019, the TNT, MacDonald, and MacPherson tribes were forcibly conglomerated by the federal government into a single group known as the Cameron tribe in an effort to decrease infighting within the city of Cameron. Unfortunately all the other tribes in the nation still hate them.

Riley Royals

Motto: "No, they don't fall out"

The Riley tribe, named after the legendary leader Sean Riley, is one of the two more wealthy tribes along with the O'Regan

Government & Politics

StFX is a theocratic cult with a hierarchal system of leadership of mostly old white men that StFX students tend to idolize. At the top of this hierarchy is His Holy Majesty, Supreme God-Emperor Brian Mulroney (Praise be upon Him).