Why?:I'm Better Than You

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That's right, You. I'm better than you are. In fact, I would utterly PWN you in everything. Why? Because I'm just that awesome. I'm so awesome, you don't even know who I am. But I do. See, that's the difference between you and I. Well, that's one of the differences between you and I. Obviously, there would have to be a lot more than just one difference in order for me to explain how completely awesome I am. Well, maybe I'm only that awesome compared to you. Whatever. You get the point.

No, I am not a 12-year-old little boy who lives with his parents, doesn't have a girlfriend, and constantly posts pages on Uncyclopedia consisting of a bunch of cuss words. I am cool!

I'm Better Than You

I could go through a list of over 9000 reasons why I'm better than you, but I don't have the time or the patience. In fact, 9000 is probably too low. Oh, I see. You don't believe me? You don't care? Well, I'll show you!!!!!

Even my cat is better than you.

So, how do I completely and utterly pwn you in everything, you ask? Well, first off, I've been laid by guys by more men than you have! You haven't been laid at all! Oh, you have? Well, I bet it was some super hot chick! What? It was my mother! I'll kick your ass! That's how I'm better than you, too! I could kick your ass any day of the week except i have no legs. I work out every day. I'm also on steroids. Yes, that does make my penis small! Even if it happened to be smaller, it would still be bigger than your ants! Shut up, man!

What about her? Well, I've seen her multiple times, on multiple occasions. Yes, I know that's redundant! Stop correcting me! You're only proving my point on how awesome I am compared to you!

You see, this is why no one likes you! You always have to fight against everything that I say! Stop being so technical! It makes you a nerd! I bet I could beat you up, fool. I lied... I suck!

I'm Still Better Than You

While I'm out driving my eighty thousand dollar car, you're probably reading this from your Mom's basement.

Yeah, man, I'm still better than you! Even if I happened to be as lame as you thought I was, I would still be better than you! Yeah, yeah, lets go with that! Let's just talk about how much You suck! Yeah, so that way we can stop focusing on my insecurities and play off of yours! Yes! I'm a genius!

Geniuses, which I is one of am

Can you say you're a member of Mensa? Didn't think so! Well I'm going to be a member of Mensa! I just took an online quiz that totally said I'm a bone-a-fide genius! That's right! Shut up! I'm going to apply to Mensa, and they're going to accept me, because I am that smart! Way smarter than you! And way smarter than any of my brat teachers. Mrs. Lotterham said I wasn't good enough at English to get into collage. Fuck English. I speak Latin: Te Iuppiter dique omnes perdant! Tu scronium es. Scio erit in lecto fortissimus. Obesa cantavit. When I'm on a boat sipping margaritas under helicopters, consider yourself stuck-it-to! But why wait? It's plain to see I'm already way better than you are. By far.

Why wait?

Take a look around you, numbnuts. Where are your friends at? You don't have any! I have lots! Me and my friends talk all the time about way better stuff than you. Suzie got a golden chicken just yesterday, and told me about how to get free gas for her farm equipment. No, it's really useful! Shut up! It's way easier than regular old-fogie farming. I wouldn't get down in the dirt like that. People like you do that! My way is way more fun, and I make lots of cool friends doing it, almost as cool as me! I have the biggest farm of anyone, seriously, especially bigger than yours! What? You don't have one? Ha! I'm not surprised! You probably don't even know how to use a computer.

..well, then someone must have printed it out for you.

..No! I even wrote this Internet page! I do Internet stuff way better than you! Shut up!

Shut Up!

You want a piece of this? Then quiet the lips! ... no... ah ... I didn't mean it! i'm sorry! no, please don't! *urinates pants* *Crying* You're mean! *face wet with tears* *frowny* *sitting on the ground* *blushing* See, I'm not like you, I'm nice! I AM better than you! I AM better than you! *sobbing*

Mom!

He looked really angry. He's still here? You're still here? You stalker!

Stocker

I will sue you for damages!