Sea of Tranquility
“One giant leap for spiritual healing”
The Sea of Tranquillity is a leading health spa retreat located on the moon. As well as the usual facials, manicures and chemical peels, the Sea of Tranquility offers some more unusual treatments for the discerning client. The majority of treatments are for physical diseases or injuries, such as "Chlamydia ", although there are facilities for dealing with mental or psychological problems such as "moping", "demonic possession" and "borderline lunacy".
Vacuum-based treatments[edit]
Utilising the moon's natural vacuum which has been created by years of not having an atmosphere, the Sea of Tranquillity offers a range of vacuum related treatments. These all share the same general idea - exposing a small part of the client to the vacuum on the surface of the moon.
Liposuction[edit]
The natural vacuum just outside the door offers a low-cost alternative to expensive and noisy fat pumps. A small insertion is made by one of the qualified staff into the undesired fat deposit, this opening is then carefully exposed to the outside. Et voila! Skinny as a rat in a tutu.
Er... Digestive System Cleaning[edit]
Much the same as the liposuction delivered at this establishment, only without the hole-making step.
Permanent blusher[edit]
A minor application of the vacuum of outer space causes irreparable blood vessel dammage, leading to a lovely rosey-cheek look for eternity. Pay for 3 cheeks get the fourth free!
Gravity based treatments[edit]
The Sea of Tranquillity's location on the moon puts it in the unique position of being able to supply gravity-free treatment gravity levels negligible .
Anti-aging[edit]
A unique anti-aging course is available in which face, breast and buttock sagging is guaranteed to be hugely reduced after only one week's treatment when compared to the aging that would occur at 1G.
Low-impact exercise[edit]
For the morbidly obese to the mildly tubby, our fully fitted gym is perfect for getting that exercise your bones can't support back on Earth.
Weight loss[edit]
When you land on the Moon you have already lost 5/6 of your weight! As well as our fantastic gym, we offer a number of other effective weight loss techniques. We have sites on both the dark side of the moon as well as the side with better lighting. Lose weight in the sauna on the lit side, then cool off in the dark side of the moon.
Therapy[edit]
Get unique therapy that can be found nowhere else! If you feel that you have been lost on "the dark side of the moon", we can help in unequaled ways. Our practical experience with the literal dark side of the moon allows us to gain otherwise unforseen insights into the human psyche.
Applied Therapy[edit]
Here at the Sea of Tranquility, you can make your mental anguish much easier to deal with by making it realized in the real world. If you happen to find your soul on the dark side of the moon, take your body there so you can see what it's really like! 20% discount on return tickets to the dark side if purchased before August.
What are you waiting for? Let's go to the Sea of Tranquillity!