Roblox
| Roblox | |
|---|---|
 Their old logo, which has since been replaced by a Cheeze-It. | |
| Developer(s) | Roblox Corporation |
| Director(s) | David "Rip-off" Basucki |
| Release date | 2005 |
| Genre | Lego simulator |
| Platform(s) | PC, Smartphone |
| Rating | E |
Roblox[1] is a 3D voxel-based cesspool dreamt up by some trust-fund babies in Silicon Valley, California. The concept came out in 2005 when professional programmer David Bazooka had a wet dream about Lego bricks and thought: "Hey, I could make money off of that!" And so he and some of his other WoW buddies got together and gave birth to the monster: a huge multiplayer game unlike any other game, ever.
Development
Roblox began its development in 2003 by David Bazooka and Erik Cassel (who the Global Cancer Liberation Army have claimed and are currently on their way to attacking Africa) as a game designed to be a 3-D rip-off of Lego, where your character is controllable by the no-lifed loser who, in modern times, spends all of their mommy's credit card money on the useless virtual items in-game. The game was initially a boring game where you had no freedom in character design and had to play a specific few minigames that probably got very boring after a while and were glitchy as hell. The player was a Lego person with a bloated sphere as a head, seemingly in a moved-forward or slouched position. The slouched position was confirmed to be a disacknowledged warning to what would happen to all of the 8-year-old kids' backs being forced into a slouched position due to never getting out of their chairs to even go to the bathroom (see also: Modern Gamers). In 2006, the game turned into an actually decent game, except they have pushed the Lego ripping off even further, making the characters look like Lego minifigures and everything made to look like Lego.
Game creation system
Roblox (acronym for Robotic blocks with an x) is a collection of "free games" created by the userbase. These games are made out of the blocks baring striking resemblance to Lego bricks (yet they have NO AFFILIATION with Lego at all!) and can actually be programed with a watered-down version of Lua, which requires a skill level of 2,000,000,000 to use. So, being that the majority of the userbase on Roblox are 12-year-old children, 20% of the games are a collection of thrown together "free models" (completely ripped-off work from other people with the time and patience to actually build it). As of 2016, 80 percent of the games are freeware versions of popular franchises, due to the ability to convert in-game purchases into USD.
Community
Probably the most cancerous feature on Roblox is the community.
Noobs
Normally, you begin as a character called the Noob or Bacon Hair (this nickname derives from the starting skin). Noobs are essential to the Roblox community and make up every aspect of the game. A noob consists of a blue torso, green legs, and yellow limbs. This has unfortunately led to the debate whether the original Roblox Noob was an asian. However, it has been confirmed they are actually North Koreans.
The Bacon Hair are commonly treated as deities due to their beautiful hair composed of Bacon. The cause for the Bacon Hair to grow the plant Bacon from their scalp is widely unknown, some suspect it may be a foiled plan by the Old Noobs to humiliate the bacons and bring back the reign of North Koreans under Kim Ching Chong-un.
Rules
In an attempt to protect today's youth from the filth that's pumped into their brains, The Roblox corporation employs a series of rules to keep the chat room, forum, and other stuff virtually nice and clean. These rules ban swears, innuendo, promoting better games, Online dating, fun, creativity, and opinion.
Violation of these rules runs with the risk of losing all those precious virtual hats and shirts you bought and privileges to play the game again.
And, utilising the most state-of-the-art in snitch technology, any player who sees anything against Da Rules may report it and score brownie points with the administrators and "lol" their heads off at the player's reaction when you tell them they've just been reported.
Chat
In every game anybody who says they are 13 or older can use the in-game chat room to have flame wars with whomever they see fit. A typical chat room conversation mainly consists of whining, report threats, Leet, censored swears and absolutely no grammar.
Players who actually tell the truth and are under 13 are restricted to only saying around 20 preset words and phrases that can be put together into around 5 complete sentences. Players who are forced to use this "super-safe" chat system are often ridiculed for their lack of English. NOTE: After much protest, kids under 13 were finally allowed their God-given right to speech in 2014, with the exception of misspelled terms.
Revenue model
Virtual economy
Roblox has their own virtual economy composed of "Tix(deprecated)" and "Robux" and it is more broken than that of the United States. Everybody used to earn 10 tickets a day plus 1 for every visit to the user's game(s). Robux are earned every day by Builder's Club recipients and used to be traded in for tickets at a proportion that is completely random.
Builder's Club
After about 2 weeks, the greedy screw-ups at Roblox decided that they need more money and so they start sucking it out of people in exchange for exciting things like MOAR ROBUX, the Ultra-Exclusive Builder's Club, and fan items like hats and shirts.
Looking for an effective medium to make money off of, they pull a Microsoft and start charging these poor children money for a membership that gains access to bonus content and other "goodies". This membership gives you the opportunity to get free virtual shirts/pants/etc., free Robux, the ability to make more games, immunity to getting banned, et cetera, and et cetera.
In recent years, Sr. Bazooka-in an attempt to lock in the most cash-made it so EVERYTHING on the website requires you to be Builder's Club! And look at the prices! (Which range from $100 to $5,000,000) And people wonder why kids go to robbing people for cash rather than work for it.
Ambassador Program
In the year 2010, the administrators came with an idea to spread the word about Roblox and make more money by having the players post links on other websites that directly Hey I just pwned a bunch of noobs in Roblox go to Roblox in exchange for extra daily tickets. These links are very irritating and cause much I made a bunch of noob killer robots in Roblox uproar for people who HATE HYPERLINKS! This program eventually became an epic fail but never got shut down......Hey me and my friends built a sweet hang-out on Roblox!
Health effects
Like its blocky brother, this game is surprisingly addictive, with many negative side effects. After months or even just weeks of extreme dedication to this game, players will start to experience IQ drops, start communicating in a series of acronyms and abbreviations, gain short tempers, and start having vivid dreams about Legos "bricks". Their social skills are levelled down and will have difficulty finding friends because there is no real-life "send friend request" button. Players of this nature may also develop violent attitudes as they are so used to being able to kill players in the the game they don't like, and may resort to just as extreme action in the real world.