Pot Noodle

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Pot Noodle was invented in the 1960s as an infusion of cannabis and noodles by former Hippie and lead Ant in Adam and the Ants, Anthony Bergman. The small, Preston-based co-operative was transformed in the 1980's into a multinational specialising in the re-processing of industrial waste.

Completely unrelated to this in any way, Pot Noodle is also the name of a bafflingly popular dehydrated foodstuff, somewhat akin to what pseudo-documentaries such as Buck Rogers In The 25th Century suggested we might all be eating by this time, although this was done from their ivory tower in the 1980s. Good news (for them) - they were half right.


Pot Noodle is PEOPLE!!

Popular amongst drunks and students unwilling to learn how to cook a proper meal away from the middle-class apron strings of their mothers, Pot Noodle has the taste and texture of concrete mixed with gravy, and can be eaten directly from the pot in question, or spread over toast after being mixed with random breakfast cereals - Shreddies or All Bran for maximum effect.

Pseudo-chicken is a textured protein which is used in Pot Noodle extensively, and allows the snack to neither look nor smell like chicken ever passed it's way - though the possibility remains that a chicken may have been passed over it in the factory during some sort of voodoo ritual that would make the product irresistible to the mentally simple, which would explain the continuing success the product enjoys to this day.

Early difficulties[edit]

There have been several scientific enquiries on the validity of Pot Noodle as a food. In the US the FDA has recommended that Gut Roaster Noodle is classified as a Class 1 narcotic. Furthermore an incident involving Vice President Dan Quayle and a Sloppy Lobster Noodle led to the prosecution of five food scientists and the resignation of the North Atlantic regional director. Eight members of the White House cleaning staff who were on duty that night were said to have "disappeared".

International acclaim[edit]

Pot Noodle has taken the Asian market by storm with their local variants.

The popularity of Pot Noodle in the UK has remained robust however. Corse Horse Noodle has been widely prescribed as a cure for chronic constipation, despite the resulting growth in body hair. As a result Antony Burgmans, was given an OBE by the Queen and an OWO by Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Accusations of genocide[edit]

Recently a scandal over the use of Green Spew Noodle by Luxembourg in obtaining nuclear capability resulted in sanctions by the EU. The testing of the Lux-Flake-1 Catastrophe Missile over downtown Belgium with the loss of 3 million lives resulted in all sanctions being dropped and Luxembourg being invited onto the UN security council. Green Spew Noodle was temporarily withdrawn but has been re-instated thanks to intense lobbying from the NRA.

Food and Drug Classification[edit]

The UK government, in its 2008 revision of Drug classifications, will be considering evidence from various Academic and Military Institutions regarding the category under which reconstitued Pot Noodle should be found.

This work is being carried after recommendations were made by the General Medical Council, revolving around the case of one unfortunate and anonymous person experiencing the Bombay Bad Boy variety in unforeseen circumstances.

See also[edit]