Opposite day
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Opposite Day is the day in which every given distinct value is the opposite of what it normally is. It is the only holiday that happens on no day of the year, for if it were to happen on that day, by its own definition, the opposite of opposite day would occur, making it a normal day. Some people use this to claim that every day is opposite day, but these people are clearly incorrect because the name of the day is Opposite Day not Days. Opposite Day was invented by Mark Twain, who noticed that, for some reason, on no day of the year was he in fact Mark Twain, but actually Oscar Wilde.
Opposite Day is an official holiday in Afghanistan and is coincidentally falls on the same day as National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day.
Controversy[edit]
The problem with Opposite Day is its paradoxical existence. As described above, Opposite Day cannot occur on any particular day, for on that day only, the opposite would be true: Opposite Day would occur on every day OTHER than that particular day. The controversy started with a recent scientific breakthrough, where groups of radical scientists proposed that on Opposite Day, if one would expect the situation to reverse causing Opposite Day to not occur on that day, then the opposite would happen, meaning Opposite Day would indeed take place on that day. However, critics state that one can just as easily expect Opposite Day to occur on a said date for these reasons, thereby not occurring.
Other issues[edit]
The issues that are inherent in the notion of Opposite Day are innumerable. Strong believers in the ideas of Opposite Day, called Eunuchs, often hold the opposite of nonviolent protests over the controversy of Opposite Day (this controversy not existing on this alleged Opposite Day). The next day, when they are brought to charges for crimes such as rape, they plead innocent, claiming that they would never be able to bring themselves to forcibly impregnate a woman. Many people have suggested problems such as, "If you are alive you are dead, and if you are dead you are alive." But these problems are ultimately trivial compared to the profound consequences such as shirts being worn inside out.
Benefits[edit]
Despite the problems from considering Opposite Day more thoroughly (notably, the Migraine), there are benefits as well. Cancer patients, for example hope for opposite day. Homosexuals do as well, although the romantic issues arising from one's discovery of incipient gayness might mean that Opposite Day is the opposite of Valentine's Day.