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Matt Gaetz
Leave your message after the tone...
Hi, this is the handsomest man in Congress by a State mile. I am still waiting for that date I ordered. The really hot one from Florida. The app said it would be a 30 minute wait at the maximum. Sure I have the right number, Joel?
(another voice)
Yes Matt. That's the right app to use when we're outside your state.
Good. Because I hell don't want to be caught upsetting my base Greenie.
(the phone is answered)
All our escorts are busy. We are doing as best we can...
Now look lady. I am a very busy man – important busy man – and I think we have a gold card discount with you.
Are you a Democrat?
No Ma'am. 110% Conservative.
Well that is very good. We have special MAGA rates. Are you married?—as we don't cater for adulterers.
That sounds just sweet. I am a clever man, I don't do adultery.
Ok. Can I have proof of identity? Just tap on the app now.
(sound of two men, overheard: one is saying 'I paid the last time, Matt'.)
Received. How do you spell Gates? As in Bill Gates?
No, no not like that do-gooder Liberal. Gates as in G.A.E.T.Z...oh SHOOT!
Thank you, we have you on our database. Oh. It's been flagged!
Stars and Stripes for a patriot!
No sir. You are wanted in Florida for being a sex addict.
