Manhattan Project

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For other uses, see Manhattan Project (disambiguation).

The Manhattan Project was a notoriously difficult assignment given to a class of first graders by one Mr. Oppenheimer in 1943 at Springfield Oak Ridge Elementary, Tennessee. The assignment was to build a model of Manhattan out of completely organic material and old socks.

The Teams[edit]

The class was split into 3 teams with Emilio "Pluto" Segrè, of team Fat Manhattan, Frank Simon and Nick Kurti of Oscar Wilde's Little Boys and Ed Teller and Stan Ulam of Team Zeeky H. Bomb.

Team Fat Manhattan[edit]

Emilio's team first began to construct their model out of wood. This promptly caught fire. The next attempt was met whit less success for the teacher deemed the chosen material a non-glowing green substance to processed and therefore not organic. With 1 night to go Emilio borrowed a large amount of leftover uranium from Nick and turned it into Plutonium using his father's cyclotron in the garage. With the plutonium in, what was now a, tentacle he quickly cobbled together a model using socks to hold it together and called it a night.

Oscar Wilde's Little Boys[edit]

Frank quickly began harvesting natural uranium from a small glowing mine he had found in Nick's back yard. After extracting a model Manhattan sized lump of glowing matter the students began to mutate sculpt it into shape using organic lead tools and socks. The team managed to finish the model 3 weeks before the deadline.

Zeeky H. Bomb[edit]

Teller and Ulam's design was simple. They simply froze Hydrogen in a mould shaped like Manhattan. The hydrogen was extracted from water and bombarded with neutrons in the school gym. The frozen hydrogen was stored in the teachers staffroom freezer for safe keeping.

The Results[edit]

Team Fat Manhattan was awarded first place for using the hardest material to find and being the freshest model. Oscar Wilde's Little Boys came in second because their model had started to decay, giving it rounded edges. Team Zeeky H. Bomb would have won however the school janitor moved their model out of the freezer and into the boiler room in order to store his cleaning fluids and the model drifted away.

The Controversy[edit]

After losing Ed accused Team Fat Manhattan of cheating by using a synthetic element. This argument was then taken to the Supreme Court where it was ruled that the incredibly rich Emilio eventually won. This remained the most controversial cases in american legal history until Alien vs. Predator.