Drunkenness
Drunkenness (known in Scottish Gaelic as Baile Daorach) is a village in Sutherland, Highland, Scotland. The British Ordnance Survey are unsure of the specific location of Drunkenness, although it is thought to be hidden deep within the tiger-infested Forest of Reay, somewhere along Loch Shin between Lairg and Laxford Bridge, possibly quite near Achfary, possibly up a little glen... maybe beside a big rock. Ah cannae remember, I wis pissed.
A resident of the village is known locally as a Drunk, although this name has been adopted worldwide for an intoxicated person, after the regional lifestyle was once portrayed in the Lonely Planet guide.
Description[edit]
One of the several crofting townships within the Northwest Highlands of Scotland, Drunkenness has little going for it, with the exception of one local pub, much the same as several nearby towns, such as Scourie. Even the local police at both Lochinver and Rhiconich are unsure of its existance, although the gunshots often echo around the Reay Forest, often followed by the yell of a cat (or a wounded wife).
An anonymous letter bearing the unique postmark of Drunkenness was once sent to the Ordnance Survey, claiming that the village was located close to Ben Arkle near the hamlet of Achfary. However, Northern Constabulary raid police could not find anyone going by the name of Mr Ben Arkle in the hamlet and surrounding areas, although they did find an awful lot of Mackays instead.
The village economy relies entirely on traditional crofting and fishing, although several expensive 4x4s speed along the A838, which has led British Intelligence to believe that it's unknown location is being exploited to harbour terrorists in this remote part of the UK.
To prevent any locals from leaking the secret location of the village to the outside world, anyone wishing to leave must by local bye-law drink at least two bottles of whisky, hence the effect that may give the village its name. However, Scottish linguists think that the name comes from Ness (meaning head / pointy bit of land) and Drunken (meaning give me a drink now, bitch...).
Award[edit]
Drunkenness is the 2007 winner of the Northern Times' Most Hidden Village award, although it is also the only town, apart from Durness, that can't get the raggie at all, for want of a postal address.