Insane Bat Fucking
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This article is complete, irredeemable Sega. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, analyzes at the lung, and is an unfunny asexual. If you attempt to BASH this, you will most distastefully BASH Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will BASH your Sega!!!!!! |
“I got into bat-fucking because they scream louder than children!”
“I BELIEVE I JUST CAME.”
Insane Bat Fucking is the controversial sport of engaging in (usually oral) sex with a bat. The goal is to be the first participant in order to fill the bat entirely with cum. Contrary to popular beliefs, you do not need to be bat fuck insane in order to participate; however, it does help.
Origin[edit]
Insane Bat Fucking was discovered in 2023 by Alexander Graham Bell after 14 straight years of mental kitten huffing. This fact completely contradicts time as Bell supposedly stopped inventing 2 years beforehand. This space-time rift thus caused a bat to inexplicably appear from seemingly nowhere and attached itself to Bell's crotch. Reverend Al Sharpton, having traveled back in time again, noticed this, and, jealous of Bell, threw a nearby kitten at another bat, retrieving the unconscious marsupial and placing it on his 2 foot long penis, thrusting unusually fast. Bell, in turn, also thrusted his penis forward and backwards, faster than Sharpton. This continued for a good hour, until Bell's bat blew up. Sharpton was thus banished into Hell.
Methods[edit]
There are many methods used by professional bat fuckers in order to achieve ultimate potency
Before Bat Fucking, most participants huff kittens in order to numbify the genitalia in case the bat bites.
Finding a proper bat[edit]
Generally, the larger the bat, the better. The most potent of bats are usually bleen. You can find them in caves, such as Hillary Clinton's vagina, which, coincidentally, is also colored bleen.
Catching a bat[edit]
Because bats are way up there, we cannot get it down by conventional methods, the best way to capture a bat for bat fucking is by throwing a kitten at it. The best candidates for these are Orange Kittens after they have been huffed. However, if the participant was the one to huff said orange kitten, or it is in fact the Non-Huffable Kitten, then he shall surely die.
The most effective means of throwing a kitten is by first shaking it up, giving it a few practice throws, smashing it into the ground several times, and other ways of shaking up a cat, then either punting or throwing it like a football. The enraged cat will attack the bat, bringing it down to the ground. That is, unless you are trying to Bat-Fuck in space, in which case it, a well as you, will die due to lack of air. Either that, or you will be attacked by the space dinosaurs.
catching a bat to catch a bat you must cover your self with human piss. after you have completed this step fill a pillow case with a mixture of dog, cat and human shit. then take the pillow case and put it in a mailbox, (leave the door open for the bat to fly in and eat shit) when the bat is in the mail box close the mail box immediately. let the bat make its self tired and then take it out. stay and wait for this step to follow through, the human piss will keep other people and animals from harming you. P.S. if the bat bites you, KILL YOUR SELF!!!!!
Variants[edit]
- Some earlier recorded incidents mention that participants were also simultaneously kitten juggling.
- A few incidents have occurred in which the participants were simultaneously kitten juggling, kitten huffing, and singing Mariah Carrey.
- Kittens and Bat's roles are switched around, where you throw orange bats in an attempt to rape bleen kittens.
- Michael Jackson plays his own variant in which he molests the bats, kittens, participants, and all nearby children.