HowTo:Write an article without repeating any words

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This guide will demonstrate how to write text where no word may be used more than once. Obviously, such literary works require meticulous planning. Thinking up enough ideas so you never repeat yourself is enormously challenging. I’m already finding it pretty tricky actually. But look, we have now reached our fifth sentence with absolutely zero linguistic repetitions! Nicely done!

Anyway, enough rambling. Creating prose containing only unique words might appear fairly daunting initially. The best starting point comes from your imagination. Imagine some random subject like helicopters, goblins, genocide, or marmalade. Then expand upon said topic using an extremely wide vocabulary. Examine dictionaries/thesauruses thoroughly because they offer many valuable synonyms. These books famously helped JK Rowling when she wrote a children’s story about aardvarks in which terminology duplication was strictly forbidden.

As one progresses beyond two paragraphs, difficulty increases rather substantially. Running out of expressions becomes increasingly common. Therefore cunning techniques often need employing. Wherever possible, limit pronoun usage and avoid unnecessary waffling. Swapping certain terms for equivalent alternatives also helps sometimes. Make sure sentence meanings are always kept intact though.

During 1987, Professor Ian Spleen penned his much-celebrated record-breaking novel Twelve Angry Chinese Nightingales. Over three hundred pages long, Spleen’s work didn’t contain any language replications whatsoever. Admittedly by chapter 48, phrases had become somewhat obscure, thus losing all meaningful comprehension. Notable examples include:

  • “Underwater baboons confiscate heavily fortified malevolent elderflowers, whilst simultaneously berating overused novelty haircuts.”
  • “Yes.”
  • “Extra cabbage, Toby?”
  • “Protozoan entrapped otters wallow gracefully, notwithstanding Uncle Harry’s minced haddock.”

Those extracts display obvious genius levels. Understandably, my own writing skills could never surpass them. Oh well.

Concluding non-repeating texts usually proves hardest, since available lingo decreases rapidly during their creation. Best just admit defeat. Goodbye.