HowTo:Help You Manage Your Financial Situation

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So you have a situation, and it is a financial one. You may be asking, how do I approach this financial situation? This depends of course if it is a good situation, a bad situation, or a neutral situation.

Good situation[edit]

If it is a good situation, approach the situation lightheartedly, preferably skipping as you do so. A good situation likes to see you happy, so put a big cheesy grin on your face. You may approach this situation from the North, South, East, or West, depending on your mood, as long as it is a good one.

Bad situation[edit]

If it is a bad situation, it likes seeing you in a bad mood. You can indulge it, if you are a masochist, or you can try to change it to a good situation or neutral situation. In any case, it is a good idea to approach it cautiously. There are a few techniques to do this.

Hire a bookkeeper[edit]

A bookkeeper is like a psychologist for your financial situation, letting you analyze it, or like a surgeon, letting you dissect it. Advantages of a bookkeeper are that you now have somebody else to blame for not balancing the books, and if you give the bookkeeper authority to pay the bills, you also have someone else to blame when the bills go unpaid. Disadvantages of a bookkeeper are that they cost money to hire and retain, (much like a psychologist or a surgeon), and you cannot blame the bookkeeper for lack of cash flow into your pocket or the coffers of your business, or for lack of assets.

Use credit[edit]

If you don't have an annuity but you need cash now, what do you do? Apply for one or several of the many credit card offers that show up on your doorstep regularly. You can do this even if you cannot afford a bookkeeper right away. You can even set up your very own Ponzi scheme by taking out credit or loans regularly to pay the previous credit or loans with. There are many loan sharks that are eager to shove their loans in your face, so why not indulge them? Better yet, when the later loans come due, just borrow again from the credit that you already paid off with the later loans.

The highway[edit]

Eventually, the previous strategy may come crumbling down on you like a house of cards if you did not pay off your earliest loans so that you can use them again, or if your total loan balance becomes so high that you are unable to secure a new loan large enough to pay the interest on them. What to do next? Pack up the minimal amount of your belongings, and quickly get out of Dodge. Sell the rest to pay off some of your credit, or simply leave them behind to be repossessed. Change your phone number so your creditors cannot leave nasty messages for you or call you twenty times a day. Learn hunting and foraging skills, then go camping in the mountains for an extended period of time, someplace where civilization cannot assault you. Remember, in the mountains, you don't need a bank account or a salary, unless you need gas for your truck.

Neutral situation[edit]

So your financial situation is neither good nor bad, but you wish it were one or the other? Here's a simple solution: Rob from the rich and give to the poor. Depending whether you robbed more from the rich than you gave to the poor or whether you gave to the poor more than you robbed from the rich, you are now in either a good or bad financial situation. See the strategies listed above for good or bad financial situation. You are probably in a legal situation now, but that is a subject for our next tutorial in the series: Approaches To Help You Manage Your Legal Situation.