HowTo:Destroy the Universe

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Destroying the universe is a matter of relativity. Not the foreign relatives, nor the relativity theory on why things are just like that and one can't change them, but the relatedness on just how many of one's actions or thoughts are able to generate a second option on a parallel universe.

Equipment Needed[edit]

  • A spoon.
  • A banana.
  • A brain that matches the official willpower frequency.


  • Think on the side effects.
  • Prepare yourself emotionally if you are listed on a local pansy group.
  • Start by selecting the desired universe.

Option 1: The Hard Way[edit]

  • Take a spoon.
  • Place the spoon over a banana, so as the banana reaches the tip of the spoon by its ends or sides.
  • Look at it for three minutes and thirty six seconds, exactly, no more no less. And meanwhile think on the universe as it would be destroyed.
  • Take the spoon, and if possible, destroy it, this will have a strong metaphor phenomenon on your illogical sight sense.
  • Proceed to dismantle the evil banana (in some constellations bananas are nice).
  • Eat the banana.
The Desired Result...

The Chuck Norris Way[edit]

  • Roundhouse kick
  • Universe destroyed
  • Laugh So Fuckn Hard

The LHC Way[edit]

  • Build a (Large Hadron) particle collider
  • Press the big red button
  • Well done, you just destroyed a universe.

The Cat-Toast Way[edit]

  • Butter a piece of toast and strap in onto a cats back.
  • Drop it.
  • Bye-bye universe.

The captain manatee way[edit]

  • make terrible videos
  • get a lot of views
  • bam, universe exploded over excitement of videos

the Batfuck Insane way[edit]

  • kill the president
  • strap llamas to the president
  • fuse the llama DNA with Jesus lizards
  • the llamas carry the president to Sam Jackson
  • he shoots marvin's face off
  • the llamas eat marvin's face
  • the president is carried into the sun
  • the llamas are made into gods
  • the llamas require sacrifices so find Satan
  • kill Satan
  • have Satan summon you a sacrifice for batman
  • Batman eats earth
  • kill the Batman for the llamas
  • the llamas destroy everything


  • Destroying the universe can be fun, but keep in mind that others might just want to have fun as well.
  • Remember your childhood, and the tips your parents used to scold at you because of your greediness towards other kids.
  • Destroy the universe whilst riding a bicycle, the effect is surely surprising.
  • Many important wise men have agreed that with enough willpower, one can do what ever he/she desires. But only one did in fact destroy a universe, and as the other wise men colleagues adverted, he died. So, don't try this fun destructiveism with such a logical partner as your brain.


  • For more than obvious reasons, the original universe from which the desire is generated is not able to self destruct its-self. Although that matter is already being discussed by serious entities who are interested in the matter.
  • Universal things relate and point to everything, if you are part of the “everything” program, please note that once taken into action, THERE IS NO WAY BACK.
  • Please note that earthlings have not compiled yet sufficient knowledge on celestial recognition charts and census. If you are an earthling please check your local galaxy guide on foreign galaxy regulations and laws, relating danger of extinction and conservation.