HowTo:Clean a cheese grater

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What You Will Need

• One Cheese Grater
• One Amazing Technicolor All-purpose Trap
• One Block of Cheese
• One Kitchen Sink
• Six Hundred and Sixty-six of those dish-washing cloths

Obtaining the items on the "What You Will Need" list

One Cheese Grater

Cheese Graters are extremely difficult things to find. Once common beasts, hunting on the Yorkshire moors, the Cheese Grater has become virtually and realistically almost extinct. To get your dirty mits on one, you must first set up the trap as shown.

The Amazing All-purpose Technicolor Trap

Without further adieu a cheese grater should get trapped. This is not a cause for celebration. First you must examine your catch and make sure it is an adult, fully-developed, individual. You can tell a juvenile from an adult by the lack of holes.

One Amazing Technicolor All-purpose Trap

Best when bought fresh, the only thing you must do to get an Amazing Technicolor All-purpose Trap, is to battle Pikachu at Mount Arreat before the comet can strike the earth. If canned Amazing Technicolor All-purpose Trap is bought, you shall have to drain it and dry it out before such an event will take place.

Block of Cheese

To get the block of cheese begin by standing with both feet firmly on the ground. Under no circumstance attempt this if you are standing in a bucket of water. Then with your right hand open the refrigerator door by forcing your fingers through the gap-sealing. Do not use the handle; otherwise you will get a game over. With the door open, thrust your hand into the refrigerator and remove the block of cheese.

One Kitchen Sink

This is not something that can be found with everything, so going to one of those ultra-mega-supermarkets that have everything is useless. To get one you'll have to steal your neighbour's house, strip it, extract the kitchen sink and dispose of the excess material into any black hole except for your neighbour's.

Tip

Six hundred and Sixty-six is the number of the beast, deal with it.

Six Hundred and Sixty-six of those dish-washing cloths

Easily found in the aforementioned ultra-mega-supermarket that I said is useless.

Instructions

Step One

This step is simple. In your dominant hand hold the block of cheese. Whilst holding the cheese grater steady with your remaining hand, rub the cheese block vertically against the grater's sensitive area. Grated cheese should magically appear.

Step Two

This step is slightly more difficult. Fill the kitchen sink with water, and possibly detergent to aid the cleaning process, and place the cheese grater in it. Now take one of those dish-washing cloths and try to clean it as you would any other dish. Woop! there goes the cloth in many tiny threads, try it again until you have run out of those dish-washing cloths.

Step Three

Throw your hands up in frustration.

Step Four

Catch your hands on the way down.

Step Five

Go to one of those ultra-mega-supermarkets that have everything and buy yourself a new grater.