Helix
“There is nothing new under the sun.”
Helix is Scy-Fy's new intense thriller about a team of scientists from the Centers for Disease Control who travel to a high-tech research facility in the Antarctic to investigate a virus outbreak.
Overview[edit]
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that: the multi-billion dollar contract for the massive underground research center in Antarctica was given to a cousin of President Barack Obama without competitive bidding; The project went 300% over budget; the contract to draw the plans for the multi-billion dollar underground research center was given to President Barack Obama's ten year old daughter as an incentive to get her to stop writing on the White house walls; The tacky drapes in the meeting room on level two were hand picked by Michelle Obama; after four years and an additional 8 million dollars, the toilets on level four still don't flush properly; The showers on level seven still never get hot enough; non-union, underpaid, unlicensed, illegal Mexican aliens did most of the plumbing work; Some of the characters are immortal but if you cut their heads off they die; The Ilaria Corporation is really owned by Disney; The vectors challenge the scientists to a best of five game of poker (and they cheat); and Soylent Green is really Guacamole flavored and served daily for lunch at 1:30!!! |
The virus, unlike all other viruses thus far known to man, which typically either weaken or at best form a symbiotic relationship (not to be confused with a group that Patty Hearst belonged to in the 70s) with their human host organism, actually makes the zombie-like victims stronger, faster, and more agile. Oh yeah, it also turns their blood black and makes them want to kill people too. Among the more ridiculous premises is: The virus has a side effect, it might also cause immortality in certain cases. Those that become infected but don't die, continue the cycle of spreading the virus and killing people. Some of the main themes that keep the viewer in suspense is never being sure who is infected and who is not and where the Zombies may pop out from next. It's the most original idea for a pilot series ever since it was last used in the 2007 Movie 28 Weeks Later; which was a sequel to the 2002 movie 28 Days Later; which was an adaption of the 1971 movie the Omega Man; which was based on the 1964 movie The Last Man on Earth; which was adapted from the 1954 novel I Am Legend; which was based on Bram Stoker's 1897 Novel Dracula. Other films based on the Stoker's vampire theme include a slew of Night of the Living Dead movies and the 2007 low budget straight to DVD movies I am legend and I am Omega. Had Stoker not died in 1912 but rather lived on to the ripe old age of 166, he would have been a very wealthy man, due to either collecting royalties on his work or by suing the piss out everyone that stole his ideas (including 7 Dracula movies made between 1931 and 2001. That would be the case unless of course Joseph Thomas Sheridan Le Fanu had lived to the ripe old age of 199. In which case Le Fanu would have either collected royalties from Stoker or sued the piss out of him for stealing ideas straight from his own earlier vampire novel Carmilla. In order to bring you 200 year old cutting edge mythology, many of the details in Helix, such as the symptoms of the disease being a very bad case of pink eye and a strong aversion to bright light, are unabashedly copied straight out of previous versions like the Omega Man with the aversion to bright light or daylight and the bad guys being immortal going all the way back to the original Le Fanu and Stoker vampire stories of the late 1800s. Helix bears testimony to the fact that:
- Most people have a very short memory;
- Western civilization has way too much free time on its hands;
- For some unknown reason, we never tire of having someone scare the shit out of us;
- Most viewers understand less than shit about epidemiology;
- Movies of the Zombie genre won't be dying out any time soon. (Which, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense.)
Plot[edit]
A place in a cemetery usually two feet by six feet where people are buried.
also
The secret CDC research center, which was intentionally built far from civilization in an effort to thwart zoning laws, income tax reporting, and handicapped parking regulations, was originally built by the military to invent a virus that would turn an enemy population into mindless zombies incapable of providing for themselves or engaging in any other type of productive activity. Congress abruptly ceased funding the program when the GAO determined that that this goal had already been achieved by Democrat supported social welfare programs and the research program was deemed redundant. The virus came in two flavors: Death; and Zombie inducing. In the interim, some of the scientists had injected themselves with the virus in an attempt to collect disability. Others thought it might be a good idea to use the virus to blackmail the world for power and money (Some of them are immortal so it's going to take a lot of money to adequately fill a 401K for forever.) In an effort to revitalize the program and to continue funding, some of the people at the research center were intentionally infected with the virus and the objective of the center shifted from inventing a virus to finding a cure for the disease. Look for this to be a very long running series.
Production[edit]
Helix is the product of some of the biggest names in genre television, starting with Executive Producer Ronald D. Moore (Battlestar Galactica). Also Executive Producing are Lynda Obst (Contact) and Steven Maeda (Lost, CSI: Miami, The X-Files). One would think one of these would remember that the same plot has been used a dozen times in the last few decades.
The production of Helix is sponsored by the CDC, for which Scy-Fy is just a front. It is a propaganda piece to make you think that the CDC actually does something aside from issuing reports stating AIDS is still spreading despite the billions they spend on research.
Cast[edit]
A cast is a temporary rigid support typically made out of plaster-of-Paris (Now referred to as "Freedom Plaster") used to support a fractured or broken bone as well as restrict movement until the bone has properly "set" or healed. It may be supplanted by a splint or "I" beam as necessary.
Underview[edit]
The TV series stays true to the original Dracula theme upon which it is ultimately based only insomuch as Dracula sucked and so does Helix. The notion that the government would build a research facility costing billions of dollars in a region so harsh and remote that it would take a minimum of four days (weather permitting) and cost $650,000 for a plumber to show up just to unclog a stuffed toilet is...plausible.