George Foreman
“This article is so good, Uncyclopedia put my name on it.”
George Foreman, a reclusive, anti-social individual, is the wife-beating son of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, a man of simple means and an unsavoury likeness for human faeces. Contrary to popular belief, he was never a professional boxer, a popular subject of fnord.
Meager Beginnings[edit]
Born in 2010 into a family of crack dealers living in a ghetto in Brooklyn, George's family could not afford to send him to school. Instead George grew up beating his Father but he said he was too hard. THATS WHAT SHE SAID
Life in the fast lane[edit]
George forman attended college on a UNCF (United Negro College Fund) scholarship. He attended Brooklyn Penitentiary University, where although frequently given warnings for killing hoes and selling his Father's crack, he graduated with a gpa of (.5).
At the age of 22 his Father died of AIDS, and left George his crack business. George attempted to continue its general running. however he lacked the business acumen to sustain a crack dealing business, and so quickly had it incorporated and sold 30% of the companies shares onto the stock market, creating Foreman Inc. laying the foundations for his later inventions.
Disappearance[edit]
Between November 22nd 1963 and August 31st 1997 George disappeared completely. Seen entering his house in Dealy Plaza, Dallas shortly before his disappearance, it is generally assumed that during this time he was a professional boxer, which is what he has always asserted to be the truth, although those who have since disappeared say otherwise. The next verified sighting of him was on August 31st 1997, driving out of the Pont d'Alma tunnel in Paris. It is unclear what he had really been doing during this time, although dividend continued to be taken into his bank account in Monte Carlo.
Global Success[edit]
Following his return to business, he instated himself as CEO of his company Foreman Inc. and launched a new product, diversifying greatly from the company's original market area. This new product was to become know as George Foreman's Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. In a press release Mr. Foreman said
I'm so proud of it, I put my name on it
Film career[edit]
In 2004 George released his first feature length movie, At home with george, in which we got a look at his crib and fat frying grill. He may be remembered always for such timeless quotes as "I'm still pissed that Helda didn't get my f*ckin steak!" , and "Liver sausage, liver sausage, WHERE THE F*CK IS THE STEAK!". George Foreman will also make a secret appearance in Soul Calibur games, popping his head out of the ground and masticating the gastrocnemii of the nearby player, then with his bloody prize, burrows away, only to appear later when hungry again.
Breakdown[edit]
Corporate life proved too stressful for George, and soon reports of him beating his wife hit global newspapers. Later, when personally serving divorce papers to him, he asked her to come in and see his new grilling machine. Naively she agreed, and entered his kitchen. It is reported that he then stabbed her with a spaghetti fork and grilled her alive.
While awaiting trial for her murder George suffered a further breakdown, and began obsessed with his slogan. He reportedly broke into the home where his children were being protected from him and carved his name into their belly buttons with a spaghetti fork.
He then went on a rampage through downtown New York City, writing the words I'm so proud of it, I put my name on it in his children's blood.
Quirks[edit]
- goats in the Foreman family all take on the name George, and are distinguished with an incrementing numeric suffix (i.e. George XIV).
- There are many unquantified rumours that George lived in a cardboard box outside the G.P.O. in Dublin City Centre for the time he was underground, and founded and often frequented the local homo-erotic tavern aptly named 'THE GEORGE'.
Fun Facts[edit]
- George has eats Band Aids
- He seasons his food with doo-doo butter
- George ate his way out of the womb. Then ate his mum.
- George Foreman has no body fat as he only eats food that has been grilled on a George Foreman grill. Making him the skiniest man alive
- George Foreman has a PHD. in George Foreman.
- George once tried to eat himself.
- The PS3 has a built in George Foreman Grill.
- George's muscles are bigger than your mom's ass (before he ate her). But not by much.
- Whenever George Foreman goes for a swim in Japan, he usually gets harpooned.
- George Foreman once decided to eat his own faeces, then it came back out and he ate it again, then it came back out and he ate it again, then it came back out and he ate it again, then it came back out and he ate it again, then it came back out and he ate it again, and he did this- forever.
- I'm so proud of it, I put my face on it...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- George will grill your Baby and feed it to you.
- George Foreman only ate faeces to demonstrate the "taste good" power of his almighty grill
- "I've cooked with George!"
- George created the portable mega griller in 1975 when he was stoned and went on a eating spree and killed 2098776,34575 people and animals. then a great war happened between the world and George. it to some of the world's strong's people to take him down like Frank West, George Lucas, Judge Dredd, Pee-wee Herman and Snow White.
- George Foreman won the nobel prize for his newest invention, the George Foreman power griller which can grill other george forman grills.
- The newest George Foreman Grill can grill five George Foremans.
- George Foreman decided he was a vegitarian in 1956 but decided that vegtables were for pussies and led a protest to destroy all vegetarians.
- George once lean grilled your Grandpa's penis.
- George's head is smoother than Mr. Cleans!
- George's grill makes a great bludgeoning weapon.
- George got the idea for his grill after eating at his local "Hitler's Gas und Grill!".
- George's life long dream is to grill the dreaded "Blue Screen of Death".
- George Foreman has heat proof hands and therefore has no need for tongs.
- It is a common dream among various women to use a George Foreman Grill as a dildo.
- George Foreman to this day is considered a dick to the public.
- George Foreman is considerd Bat Fucking Insane by his own peers.
- George has no fingerprints due to an accident with drain cleaner in 1991 as reported by Ross Noble and Terri Psakis on their national Australian Radio Station in 2005 after he was detained by Miami airport security.
Immunity to the Law[edit]
Allegations about George Foreman's susceptibility to the court of law have recently been circulating several popular news sites in an attempt to explain his 30 year disappearance. It was at this time of self-imposed obesity that George decided to shape up, so he decided to invent the George Foreman Lean Meat Fat Reducing Killing Machine ( better known as YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! STOP BURNING MY GODDAMN BREAKFAST BURGERS!). Apparently, while in the process of designing the hot plate for his device in his basement, he was struck in the back of the head by a live chainsaw thrown by his mother, back from the grave and pissed. Fortunately, the chainsaw left no mark whatsoever. Unfortunately, George was thrust forward onto his super-hot hot-plate, burning his hands beyond recognition.
How does this have anything to do with federal immunity, you may ask? Well, as George's hands were being burnt into horrible, pussy lumps of putrid flesh, his fingertips were also scarred. As a result, George actually has no fingerprints. As of this incident, Geroge has been charged with one report of indecent exposure. However, despite many sightings of George getting his kit off and chasing old women down main streets, there has been no record of his arrest following this first incident.
While this may seem like a tragedy for the efforts put into the preservation of law, I would like to propose a new, positive outcome from this experience. With George Foreman's apparent immunity to law, we have been granted a scapegoat for any and all future problems and issues that we are not able to blame ourselves for. Just think: the holocaust, petrol prices, the Iraq War, and even the destruction of the Earth through global warming can now be blamed on George Foreman. The law system will be refreshed, able to easily process the millions of criminal accusations against George Foreman. Kids all over the world will be exclaiming "It wasn't me! It was big bad George!" while standing over their parent's broken lamp, or brother's broken skull.
So, as a last statement, I request you, the people of the world to go outside. Break a fence. Abuse an elderly male with a bag of oil-soaked rags and a lighter. Hire a microlite and firebomb your school. Promote your own obsession with bestiality in the local dairy farm. And, for the sake of the future of human life, for the freedom we all cherish; blame it on George Foreman.
Decline[edit]
George suffered from 'raging hulk disease' that made him morph into a tiny dwarf every christmas. This prompted him to try and 'steal' christmas one year which resulted in a 5 mile police pursuit and 7 officers where needed to detain him in the armoured van. Little more than 5 months later george was again at the centre of a worldwide row when his new foreman grill was advertised with the beating he gave joe frazier, then him threatening the viewer to buy his grill. George had recoreded all the viewers who saw that commercial and over a course of 5 years, personally went round every house, shack and toilet to beat the shit out of everyone who had not bought his grill. 102 americans and 1 mexican died in the incident. The mexican had bought a grill he just killed him purley because he was mexican.
George Coleman[edit]
George Foreman's long lost half cousin recently died of being a midget. May got have mercy on his tiny little soul.
Quotes[edit]
- With my patented new grill, all the fat drains directly into my mouth!
Mother f*cker