Fran Drescher
Fran Drescher (Hebrew: דיבוק מרוח רעה dibbūq mē-rūaḥ rā'ā ("An evil spirit with nice cleavage")), also known as the Whore of Baghdad, is the anthropormorphic embodiment of the "death-rattle". Traditionally she preys upon boys below 8 days of age and girls below 12 days, unless protected with an amulet bearing the names of the The Nanny's 80 foreign language adaptations.
Early "Life"
Immediately after the creation of Death, Drescher came into existence, and to this day, exists in a small part of each and every living thing, waiting for her chance to be released. She was commanded to never interfere with our lives, however, in some small subtle way, Fran Drescher is trying to kill us all. After thousands of years in wait, Drescher convinced a poor, hideous leprosy-ridden girl on the streets of Baghdad to be her physical vessel. At first the girl refused, instinctively knowing that this would be worse than a deal with the devil, but after promises of fame, fortune and that Fran Drescher would stop talking, the girl relented. This union also brought about the eventual fall of Baghdad. The poor child was an innocent in all this, but biblically the blame has been cast upon her, and like so many things in the Bible, this proves God a huge chauvinist.
Career
Some consider what Fran Drescher does to be work, and as such, the horrible things she does are filed under Career.
- 0 A.C.
- Fran is created.
- 5751 A.C.
- Fran eats the soul of a young woman in Baghdad and takes the form we now know.
- 5752 A.C.
- After trying to fellate her way to the top Drescher realizes her skills in all things are rudimentary and falls back on black magic to make her way.
- Drescher catches the eyes of several Hollywood producers after popping them out with an ice cream scoop.
- 5753 A.C.
- The Nanny is first aired, soon more than 80 nations kneel before Fran; Russia exchanges its nuclear armament for a local adaptation.
- 5755 A.C.
- During filming of the "love" scene in The Beautician and the Beast, Timothy Darling receives the first known case of Super-AIDS from Drescher.
- 5756 A.C.
- Fran dances atop the dead body of her agent and out of Hollywood, after having been called "un-hireable" only seconds before.
- The Drescher Campaign of Super-AIDS begins and slowly all hope for a persistent human existence comes to an end.
- 5757 A.C.
- 2,000,000 People have been reported to have "Super-AIDS".
- 6000 A.C. Upon completing the reconstruction of ancient Sumerian phonology, The Nanny has now been translated into all the languages of man, and the seventh seal is broken.