Fire at Will
“Why do people keep attacking me with firearms?!”
Fire at Will is an order issued to people with guns when they're supposed to fire as much as they please. This order is seldom used because policemen fire as they please whenever they want to, examples including "hold your fire", upon which anybody carrying the gun would just fire at whoever had spoken the order, regardless whether their name was Will or not.
Because of people taking it for granted that anybody commanding a ceasefire will be shot, nobody has tried to stop people shooting stuff at people. As a result, there is now no control over what people will do with firearms. As a consequential result of that, Germany got excited and started millions of wars, which it promptly lost.
Who was Will?[edit]
There is a consensus that the Will in question was William Tell, the famous Swiss apple-on-the-noggin marksman during the Middle Ages. So this command was issued by the aggravated Habsburg authorities when William Tell successfully put a crossbow bolt through the apple sitting on his son Nescafe Tell's head. Tell senior was successful but the Habsburg prince Archduke Franz Ferdinand took this as an insult and told his archers to 'fire at Will'. They all missed and as a result the Swiss rebelled and created their own, non-Habsburg country. This was called Switzerland.
Experts say the story is untrue but the expression 'fire at Will' did catch on at around this time. The Swiss certainly believed the story which is why William Tell is a national hero to all the Swiss whether they speak French, German, Italian or a combination of all three called Romansh. Every year the Swiss balance apples on their heads and shout 'Fire at Will' as a joke. Since not all Swiss are funny people, some take this as a literal request which is why to this day many people in Switzerland are not called Will, William or Kaiser Bill.
Guns[edit]
Fire at Will survived as an expression with the coming up gunpowder. People abandoned their crossbows, longbows and spears for guns. This caused a high casualty rate with anyone unfortunate to be be baptised as William. The Swiss aversion to this given name began to be spread around Europe. William Shakespeare was an early casualty when he was performing his lost play of Ballad of Billy Do Tell when a stage hand fatally shot the Bard at the end of act 3 scene 4, Enter the firing squid. Because of this actors banned real guns from stage and instead only used prop ones from then on.
Today[edit]
Fire at Will has now been replaced with Fire at Donnie instead. It may catch on.